26 July 2008

The Catch Up

This is likely to be a long post, so I'm warning you now to get a drink, go to the bathroom, maybe grab a snack... :D

I am in love with my son. I always thought women who said the phrase "in love" in relation to their children were weird. Being "in love" is something else. But it's not. I realize this now. Lochlan and I, we know each other. We can sit together, his little legs on my belly, cold hands wrapped around my fingers, and just gaze into each other's eyes. Our souls touch. They feed each other. I came up with an idea of what it's like tonight. I feel like our souls are magnetic. When I hold him snuggled up tight, it feels like absolutely nothing could take him from me, the closer we are the tighter they hold on. I am thoroughly enjoying his every moment of life. He is so happy and content. First two teeth slowly emerging from his gums. Crawls like a mad man. And he is already cruising around on the edge of furniture. Every now and then you'll glance at him, and he'll just be standing there, not holding onto anything. His whole face lights up in this heart melting grin. You can feel his thoughts, "Look at me!!! I am doing it!!!" I love it.

He still sleeps in our bed, along with one, two, three, four dogs... ! Caayn is working on me to get him in his crib. (It is pretty difficult to be intimate with that many bodies on the bed...) I don't even know how to start. Lochlan screams like a banshee when he is put in there. And I don't blame him! It's like a jail cell. Wooden bars. Plain walls. No momma to reach out and touch for comfort. At the same time, I do so love waking up to his sweet little face. He is always happy to wake up, full of smiles and giggles, and silly floppiness. It's the very best part of the day.

Oh, did I say four dogs? We have an addition to our home... Shannon Down The Big Surprise. His call name is Wallace (we were going to change it to Apollo, so he'd fit in with our mythological A theme, but he is just a Wallace... so Apollo is his middle name). He is a red and white whippet, just over a year old. His daddy is one of my favorite whippets, a -gorgeous- red boy from Sweden. Wallace has some good bloodlines, and whenever we get out of North Dakota, I am hoping to get him out on the field to race. He just got neutered today, the poor guy. Only one of his testicles descended, so he got both a neuter and a spay, lol. I'll get pictures of him soon.

I've been very sucked into World of Warcraft lately. Since Caayn and I don't really get out too much, it is a good way for the two of us to do something we both like together. And it helps us save money. For $30 a month, we get two accounts, and it keeps us busy. So instead of going downtown (which is about an 1/8 of a tank), spending money at the mall, probably getting food while we're there, and then driving home again, we stay on base. We play outside with the dogs and the boys. We have a good homecooked meal. And we stay far more entertained with the game then with whatever we might have spent money on downtown. (Our budget is pretty tight right now.) But all that aside... I almost have a character who hit level cap. The game currently allows characters to reach the level of 70, at which point you are in "end game" stuff... it doesn't technically have an end though, since they continue to release content in patches. There is also going to be a second expansion coming out soon, raising the level cap to 80 and releasing new zones to play in, etc. So that's pretty exciting. However, my character is a hunter... which is one of the most over-played classes ever! I've sort of halted questing with her and moved onto my mage, who is in her mid 40s right now. The hunter is now my helper character. She runs my friends through lower level dungeons and helps out that way, which is pretty fun.

My 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up. I think it might be next week. It's very amazing to me that here we are, 5 years down the road. Still happy. Still very much in love. I have got to be the luckiest woman alive. :)

The biggest accomplishment so far this year is.... Sully!! Sully is fully potty trained now. YAHOOOOO!!! I just stopped putting a diaper on him. And since he knew peeing on the floor was unacceptable, he just started going on the toilet. Same with pooping. No struggle. He has had 2 accidents in the past month. Both were from him throwing a fit before bedtime and refusing to pee before being tucked in. Now, to teach him to keep his pants on. :P

Also on the Sully front... His artwork is becoming so much better! I am tickled pink every day by his latest drawings. Today he comes up to me with a piece of paper and says, "Look, it's Mr. Sun!" There was a big sun, with a huge grin and eyes. I love it. He draws houses, all of us, grass, colors... I like when he shows me a huge scribble of one color and says, "I drew blue!" He is so proud. He tucks crayons over his ear.

When we were in Pennsylvania, visiting the in-laws, I got a fairly big tattoo on my back. A big phoenix. I've used the name Phoenix for 7? years now, maybe a bit longer. It started when I was in high school. I had a lot of struggles with depression, and one of the times I was coming out of it, I was surrounded by pictures of the phoenix. Every where I looked. (Even in my math book, which I couldn't believe, because that was just too strange.) Coming out of a bout of depression is like being reborn. It's like rising above this thick cloud that you just can't shake. Above, the sky is clear. No fogginess to muddle your vision. The air feels crisp. And since then, I see the pattern of the phoenix in a lot of my choices in life. I continue to reach new heights, to be reborn in a different way. Every day I am not the person I was the day before. I have grown. And I've noticed an effect it has on me. I am more confidant, more sure of myself. Normally I am pretty shy. You wouldn't believe it for an instant seeing how the words pour out of my fingers, but it is the truth. When I'm around people, you can almost hear my gates clattering shut, my drawbridge coming up. I keep to myself. I'm the scrunched up housewife who scurries about her business as fast as possible to get back to the safety of her home. But now... my shoulders are thrown back, my posture is correct, I feel alert, energized, like I am full in my body. I like it. :)

I've been reading the blogs I used to again... For a long time there I stopped reading. And now I remember why I loved them. Some of these women are so eloquent. And so many of them write exactly what I am thinking, feeling, going through. It feels good to come back to them all.

Thats it for now. I'm all worded out. And instead of feeling empty of words, I just feel satisfied. So many times I catch myself composing blog entries in my head, or my inner monologue speaking like an entry. Maybe if I can get them out sooner, I can be free of these thoughts that fill my brain up with chatter.


Annalisa said...

TAG!!!! Go to my blog.

Patience-please said...

Amanda! I don't know how to thank you... Oh maybe you're on facebook. I'll try there. But you did indeed bring a smile to my face. How amazingly kind, thoughtful, generous of you...
thank you; they are beautiful and they meant a great deal to me.