Books and Sickies

Sully is sick. He's sneezing, tearing at the eyes which in turn makes them all swollen and squinty, has a cough and a broken nose. When I say broken, I mostly just mean that its not working right. It's not really running but it's bothering him so much he spends a fair amount of time beating the heck out of it.

Also, he's not sleeping at night. Instead, he spends his time laying in bed shrieking, "Momma!" at the top of his lungs. Half the time I go in there, he doesn't actually want me, it's just the only thing he feels like yelling about (apparently).... But the other half of the time he wants me to get in the crib with him. He's just recently got on this kick where he wants to sleep with me. If we bring him up to our bed, he won't fall asleep. He spends his time kicking, flopping, crawling and prodding us, and talking to the dogs. Around 3 in the morning we usually put him back in his crib so that we can at least get 2 hours of sleep. :P The past few mornings though, I just give in and go get in his crib. It's very sturdy, I must say. And not comfortable at all. Crib mattresses have a plastic wrap thing so babies don't pee on them, and well, they are only really meant for people 3 feet long and under. But he sleeps much better with me there. Silly dude.

The other morning he was breathing really funky and would occasionally stop breathing in his sleep. I mentioned it to Caayn, saying that while I have no experience with it, it sort of made me think of pneumonia. The dr this morning said he has some weird thing growing, thats for sure, and that it involves his lungs, throat and nose, but didn't really give specifics. So Sully is on an antibiotic and we have to give him cough medicine to prevent this from turning into pneumonia (not sure how that works, but whatever)... I'm happy to know that it IS something and not just me doing the mommy thing. I've been good about not taking him to the dr more than necessary and whenever we do go, there is something wrong. Yay for me not being an oversensitive mommy who cries about every little sniffle.

On a completely unrelated matter, I just finished reading the first book in the Otherland series by Tad Williams. It was good, a little slow though. I was warned that the first 100 pages or so were kind of weird, but seriously, I've read some weird books so I thought it was fine. The ending pissed me off though. It just stopped. Like, there was no definite end. I hate hate hate when authors do that. Gives the feeling that they wrote the whole thing out, then randomly just said, "Okay here, here and here are where the books will end." Ugh. I couldn't imagine reading this as a new series and having to wait a year or however long for the next segment! I can't get the next book for a few weeks or so though... I just ordered a few books from Amazon that are trickling in and need to be read. This is what I'm working on right now... Yep, I'm reading books about birth. Since I live in the middle of Hell, there are no good birthing classes here (last time I -really- wanted to try the Bradley method, but there are no instuctors out here, and really, the only thing they have is a Lamaze class at the hospital at a time of night I could never go to)... so I'm going to read up and hope that helps me more than last time. Well. Honestly, anything could. I did nothing at all to prepare for Sully's birth. Nada. Sigh. Have I already mentioned how much I hate living in North Dakota?

The One Where I Whine

Some days I feel like I've gone crazy. Laying in bed I'll be fine. It's cozy, I usually have Achilles laying with his head on my pillow next to me, which is nice too. And then by the I get down the stairs I'll just be in the worst mood ever. It's totally not pregnancy hormones, since I'm like this all the time. Today is definitely one of these days.

The worst part is all I can think is how lucky people with children usually are. Most people have their children near their family. Which means grandparents get to bond and spend time with the kids while the parents get some much needed adult time. But Caayn and I don't get that. The only time he and I have spent time alone together outside of the house is when we go to Pennsylvania. So like, twice or so since Sully was born. Yeah, thats right. I often wonder if having to be on all the time makes me a worse mom. I'm an introvert. I need alone time to keep from losing my mind... but I very rarely get that. Caayn is always telling me I can take the car and go somewhere, but seriously, where would I go? This is the ninth circle of hell, I'm sure of it. Plus, sometimes I worry that the times I really just need to get out, I might start driving and just go... That's a sad thought, isn't it?

Oi, this is just a whiny post; it's a good thing no one reads this thing.

I think I'm just maybe a little freaking out about what I'm going to do when this baby is born. Right now, I do get some downtime while Sully is napping. I usually play WoW, but sometimes I just lay on the couch with Achilles and read. I probably won't get to do that when the baby comes. I'm a little scared I really will go crazy. God, I wish I could have a cigarette.

Daily Blahness

Weekends are weird when you are a stay-at-home mom. I frequently don't know what day it is, and usually am two or three days behind or forward. I think Caayn's frequent days off had to the problem, lol, because some weeks he gets a 3 day weekend, or even 4 like I think he has this coming weekend.

But Monday came around like it does (be it an actual Monday or a Tuesday...) and hopefully it will lead to something interesting. As in Caayn has a really strange rash on his forearms. It's been there since last Monday or so. He tried to make an appt, but they couldn't schedule him in until June. For the record, they suck big balls when it comes to appts that really need to be seen soon. Several months back he had something really wrong with his eye and they made him wait a full month before going in... If it had been something major, I'm sure he could have lost his eye sight in that long of a time period. Luckily it was some infection. But still. Supposedly that appt got the ball moving on some change to the base hospital thing, because honestly they cannot make someone wait that long when its serious.... but apparently not since he doesn't have an appt. Grr. He is supposed to (according to me) go up to the person in charge of his shop and tell them whats up, because who knows what that rash is... that person should be like, Eww dude, you're nasty, go to the hospital. Personally, I'm not above taking him to the ER, simply to say "Well, the base hospital wouldn't make him an appt in time..." and be all snooty.

Freaking A. I hate hate hate making appts. Our house always seems to have one or another too.

So thats the fun-filled drama here. Oh. No thats not all is it?

Thursday Jimmy came out and spent like 6 hours working on our computer, and then both the other comp and the laptop... He rocks. It is now working blissfully, except when I move the tower. Who knows what that did, but it sort of made the comp fizzle. Caayn beat it a few times and its working just fine again, lol. But, we did order a new comp. Caayn is tired of this one being a poopy-head. Fine by me. And the best part? It will have Windows XP. No Vista for me. Yuck.

Anyway, I believe that is it for now. Oh, the other fun thing is Caayn is doing his physical fitness test today. Cross your fingers and toes that he does good. I always hate this day.

Cancer Gene

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6668727.stm

"His team studied tumour samples from patients with ovarian cancer. Some of the cancer patients had been treated with chemotherapy prior to surgery, and some had not.

Only 30% of the chemotherapy patients who had normally functioning p53 were alive five years later, compared to 70% of those with mutated, non-functioning p53."

I'm paranoid about health, to a degree. I like doing what I can to make sure I stay healthy, especially when it comes to things relating to womens health. My great-grandmother died of ovarian cancer, my grandma had something go wrong with something and had to have a full hystorectomy (she never told anyone what happened, but she did tell me once that she had been bleeding profusely), and my mom had precancerous cells on her cervix. I myself have had abnormal cells on my cervix... So I think I have a right to be proactive on this sort of thing. I worry about my baby if it's a girl. Caayn's mom and sister have problems with reoccuring cysts, I can't remember what the thing is called though... Yuck. Combine that with my own bad history and this child would be crazy.

But that study sort of freaked me out. I'm not really worried about ovarian cancer, since it is so far removed, but it does stay in the back of my mind as something that could be a remote possibility... but the fact that 30% of patients who were treated with chemotherapy were alive 5 years later (with the functioning gene) means that 70% died. Hmm. That really makes you think.