24 May 2007

The One Where I Whine

Some days I feel like I've gone crazy. Laying in bed I'll be fine. It's cozy, I usually have Achilles laying with his head on my pillow next to me, which is nice too. And then by the I get down the stairs I'll just be in the worst mood ever. It's totally not pregnancy hormones, since I'm like this all the time. Today is definitely one of these days.

The worst part is all I can think is how lucky people with children usually are. Most people have their children near their family. Which means grandparents get to bond and spend time with the kids while the parents get some much needed adult time. But Caayn and I don't get that. The only time he and I have spent time alone together outside of the house is when we go to Pennsylvania. So like, twice or so since Sully was born. Yeah, thats right. I often wonder if having to be on all the time makes me a worse mom. I'm an introvert. I need alone time to keep from losing my mind... but I very rarely get that. Caayn is always telling me I can take the car and go somewhere, but seriously, where would I go? This is the ninth circle of hell, I'm sure of it. Plus, sometimes I worry that the times I really just need to get out, I might start driving and just go... That's a sad thought, isn't it?

Oi, this is just a whiny post; it's a good thing no one reads this thing.

I think I'm just maybe a little freaking out about what I'm going to do when this baby is born. Right now, I do get some downtime while Sully is napping. I usually play WoW, but sometimes I just lay on the couch with Achilles and read. I probably won't get to do that when the baby comes. I'm a little scared I really will go crazy. God, I wish I could have a cigarette.