11 December 2006


I have a small addiction to penguins. The winter season is always great for filling that need to see those funny looking black and white birds. While at Target I picked up one of those tall coffee mugs, with a penguin on the side. Now I can wiggle around with glee on the inside while drinking hot cocoa. Yay!

My job is getting increasingly irritating. We're not making ANY profit, and so, we're cutting our hours down. (Ummm, hello? Cutting hours means decreasing the amount of time folks have to come buy a smoothie...) And if I am going to be the only employee (the manager will be someone who doesn't work there, but works in the gym), what are they going to do when I go on leave in March? Or if my son gets sick? Or any other number of things. And the longer I work, the more guilty I feel about not being with my son. Picking him up from daycare is heart wrenching, because I have to see how AWESOME she is with him. She spends time coloring with him, reading, gluing things on paper, playing with playdoh, etc... I hardly ever do anything that doesn't involve chasing him down and tickling him. Which is fun, but hardly a day long activity.

Sometimes I get myself worked up into a tizzy... Like, why would I want to get pregnant and have another baby? I'm such a bad mom to the child I have now. Caayn keeps telling me that we are a normal family, but I have no way of knowing. I don't have any friends out here, much less friends with children his age. It's like this never ending circle that just spirals wider and wider, making me feel worse and worse. How do women do it? As it is right now, I feel like I'm not doing anything. My house hardly gets cleaned, I don't spend much time with Caayn OR my son, I don't play with the dogs... UGH! How does Caayn put up with me? He works all day, PLUS does everything with our son, the dogs and the cats. He's a freakin' saint.

I neeeeeed to do the Christmas cards. We slacked off and didn't make an official Xmas picture for everyone, but oh well. They'll deal with it.

And I need to throw a rant in here. I just finished the book Cell, by Stephen King. Now, let me put this out here: I think Stephen is a god. He is one of the most talented, inspired writers out there. I enjoy reading his work. But this book? It was NOT up to par. I was left seriously unhappy with the ending. One of my favorite things about his work is that its LONG. Its long enough that you can really sink your teeth in and get comfortable. The endings are good, you aren't left hanging. This was NOT good. If I had seen it in a movie theater, I'd have said, "WHAT?! Goddamnit!" You have no sense of "Ahhh... and thats all right!" Man. I'm disappointed. I have questions that NEEEEEEEED to be answered. Shame on Steve. Shame on Tabitha! If I were her, I'd have kicked his behind back into the office and made him tack on an additional 20k.

Oh well. I guess not all books can end perfectly. Then again, don't most books leave you hanging? No story is quite finished when it ends, there's always more to be told. I hate that. The bummer is now I have to go back to work with no books! Everything is still packed, and I feel an intense need to read The Stand. I wonder if I can find it...