Don't Fear The Reaper

Every time I hear the song Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, I get shivers down my spine. In my head I see an empty highway, with a couple of skulls to one side. I blame it on The Stand, the movie...

When I hear that song, I feel an intense urge to go home and pop the movie in. And then read the book. The Stand by Stephen King is my all-time favorite book. I would read it back to back to back if I didn't have other books to read. I love it.

When we were in PA, I saw a gorgeous hardcover edition... it was $50, otherwise I would have totally splurged (not to mention we had already spent $60 on a hanful of other books that I don't already have memorized front to back). Its a book that I need in hardcover, since my paper back is dying. Pages are falling out, the cover has fallen off and been taped back on.

Oh, and when I see the actors who played in that movie, I always refer to them as the character they played. Like the guy who played Trashcan Man. He's been in a load of movies, but I have no idea what his name is. He is simply Trash. If you haven't seen the movie, you should. It's got a few bits of corniness to it (ie when Flagg does his little melty thing when he is freaking out, near the end), and it leaves a lot out, it's still worth seeing. Love it.

On another note, I have my first appt with the midwife on the 20th. I hope she can keep seeing me, even though I had a c-section last time. I hope she can let me try for a VBAC...

Happy Birthday

Oh my god. How did I forget to mention that today is Sully's birthday?

SHAME ON ME!

Today is Sully's birthday. He is a whole two years old!

Right now two years ago I was in the hospital, probably bouncing on one of those damn balls, crying. I was in lots of pain. I got an epidural at noon, slept until 9, pushed for 1 1/2 hours, had an emergency c-section for what turned out to not be an emergency. I have one of those labor stories that moms like to guilt their kids with. It started 3 days before he was born. I went to the hospital twice, had a dr appt and THEN my water broke at 5am... if only there had been a blizzard, in which I could have walked to the hospital 13 miles away, barefoot. Uphill. Wait, North Dakota doesn't have hills...

Let's hope this time its a little easier.

Happy birthday to Sully River Smith, cutest kid this side of the moon.

A Whole Boatload of Crap

I suppose I ought to hop on here and do some posting. Shame on me, we've been home since Thursday and I haven't even posted yet. What can I say, I'm tired!

To start: Caayn's tattoo is awesome. It took a total of 9 hours to complete, which sucked major nuts since Sully ended up staying awake until 10:30 almost 11pm that night WITH NO NAP. Omg. As soon as we get a camera, I'll post a picture of it.

Also, I love my in-laws. I can't wait until we move out there and I can see them all the darn time. My mother-in-law (henceforth known as MIL) got engaged, and so did one of Caayn's cousins. He's going to be the best man at his wedding in the summer of '08. Sully officially was a monster compared to the other kids... When we had him, we kicked off a tiny burst of babies in the family. His cousin had a baby two months after us (then got pregnant like 2 months later and had another), then one of my cousin's back home had a baby the June after Sully was born (also getting pregnant right away again after), and then his younger cousin just had a baby 6 months ago... So yeah, it's been crazy. But Sully was probably close on 6 or 7 inches taller than Riley (2 months younger) and apparently has a lot larger of a vocabulary... Riley slept for Sully's whole birthday party, lol, so we didn't get much action.

I must say, it was really nice to have people say how smart Sully is and to actually be able to compare him to other kids. I know, I know, you aren't supposed to do that. But hey, I NEVER see kids Sully's age, and for all I know I'm a rotten mother who doesn't socialize her child enough.

We also checked out all the houses for sale on the street where Caayn's dad lives. It's way out on a hill, pretty far from the actual town (okay, Pennsylvania is all weird with the whole township, borough thingy, so when I say town, I'm not sure what I mean. Well, I guess I mean the area where Caayn's mom lives, since as I understand it, thats still pretty far from York. But whatever.) They have an awesome view though. I saw about a trillion squirrels and quite a few deer. Caayn's dad leaves corn out at the edge of the woods in the backyard for the deer, and he has several different little herds that come to feed.

Oh, and there was this psycho crazy male cardinal that would attack the windows, over and over. It would hang on the screen for like 10 seconds, flap away and then do it again. Well, we started parking the car kind of by that window. The cardinal would fly all over the car, run up the windshield, look in the mirrors and then do the window thing. For hours. The first time Sully saw it, it scared the living shit out of him. As in, he had a total Birds moment. The cowering, the shrieking. I don't think I've ever heard him yell, "DADDY!" quite like that before.

Caayn's niece Hannah (I say that rather than my niece, since I consider her my niece too, because my brother's daughter is ALSO a Hannah. Yes, I have two nieces named Hannah. They're almost the same age too) is so giant. I remember when she was like a year or two bigger than Sully, and she was all shy and stuff. It was nice marrying him when she was that age, because she doesn't remember meeting me. Now I'm just her aunt and thats what she remembers. Same with Brian, his nephew.

I totally love my sister-in-law. She's really awesome. When my brother got married (to a girl named Kara), I was SO happy. Kara was like the sister I never had. I would stay at their house and we would stay up all night playing board games and talking. Or drinking. We did all kinds of fun things. But something went weird in their marriage (details not necessary) and even then, I tried to stay friends with her. After awhile though, she started getting crazy. In the bad way. I miss her sometimes. But Kandy (Caayn's sister) feels the same way to me. I enjoy talking with her, and I know if we lived in the same town, we'd probably be really close.

Oh! Sully met Kevin for the first time. Kevin is Caayn's brother. He's a country music singer living in Nashville. Sully LOVES listening to his cd, as in if he is throwing the biggest tantrum, that cd will make him stop instantly. It was pretty cool. However, I think Sully liked Kevin's girlfriend better, lol.

OMG, if anyone is still reading, kudos to you. Last little bits, I swear!

Caayn is in surgery right now. Well, maybe not right this second, but very soon now. Makes me nervous just thinking about it. (I hate surgery. Wait, who am I kidding? I hate medicine and most things related to doctors.) I'll be sure to post tomorrow with the update on that.

And last bit of news. I'm pregnant! We found out in Pennsylvania (hmm... thats where we found out with Sully too... hmm..) and told most of his family. I called my mom. I think thats probably the extent of the telling of people. Due sometime around mid-November. Which totally sucks, let me tell you. I really didn't want to be pregnant with a due date in November. My birthday is the 2nd. I've got birthdays on the 9th, 10th, 14th and 23rd. I *think* there is another, but I can't remember. This baby is seriously going to be born on someone's birthday.

Whatever. I'm going to get ready to go hang out at the hospital. In my pajama pants. Seriously, I bought maternity clothes out there, since last time I drove Caayn up the walls with: "None of my clothes fit!" "I look fat!" "God, I need maternity clothes!"... And I think I might have gotten them too small. They make my stomach hurt. I'm also refusing to wear my jeans. Last time I literally split my pants around the pockets trying to get into them, because they were low cut enough that they still fit... until my ass was all huge... so yeah. Pajama pants until I figure out what the hell is going on.

Hello!

Just checking in from Pennsylvania. Sully had a big birthday party yesterday, and got to re-meet family he hadn't seen since he was 10 months old. That was pretty cool.

Caayn is getting a tattoo on his chest right now.. it should be pretty cool. And painful, since he can't take anything but tylenol for the pain. Hopefully we'll be buying a digital camera soon, so we'll show pictures.

Anyway, thats all for now. :) I'll have more later!

See ya!

We leave today! Our bags are mostly packed, and we're laying out our plans for the day. We need to take the dogs to the kennel, pick up a few extra things, have Sully nap shorter and earlier than normal, and then go to the airport. The flight leaves at 4, so I guess we'll be there at 3pm. That sort of thing SUCKS when you have a kid. Last time we flew, Sully was 10 months old. He took it like a damn trooper. But now he's much older and wiser, and can scream a lot louder. Luckily, we have a really short lay-over in Minneapolis, only 40 minutes. Then we'll land in Baltimore at 10ish, and get in to York around 11pm. So, all in all, a really long day is ahead of us. I'm hoping Sully sleeps through most of the flights/drive/night.

However, before any of that can happen, we have to take the dogs to the kennel. I don't want to! Achilles is my dog. I hate leaving him. I feel like such a damn heel. Plus, he's a total baby. Sleeping on cold hard cement, with nothing but a blanket to provide support is so not his bag, baby. He normally won't sleep anywhere but our bed or the couch. (C'mon, one of the nicknames for Greyhounds is 45MPH Couch Potatoes.) *sigh* Artemis will be fine, she handles kenneling like a pro. She's not a very social dog to begin with. I wish she was, sometimes I just want to scoop her up and hug her.... but she'd urinate like the Bellagio fountains. If we could somehow fix her of that problem, she'd probably be a very fun dog. As it stands though, we can carefully pet her head (when she comes to you first, and you can't look her in the eye while you do) and shoulder area. She's funny though. Sometimes she'll get all wound up and want to play, but she doesn't really know how. Caayn can dangle a rope around in the air and she'll try to get it for a little bit, but before long Achilles comes over, or Caayn got too close to her, and then she'll be done. Silly dog! :)

The cat is back in heat, again, she's only been out of it for like 4 days top. Luckily we're going to be gone the whole time, and then she's getting fixed when we come home.

Yesterday we went walking around with Sully in the snow. He just really enjoys walking outside. Some of the snow in the common area of the backyards on our block is almost knee-high. It had some really cool formations though, from the wind, like ocean waves almost. Very nice. And we tried to climb the drift behind our house, but it was too big. The snow is almost up to the people's fence top! In some areas, the fences are only like 3 feet tall, because the snow is so deep. I couldn't imagine having a dog and trying to keep it in the backyard that way, lol.

Caayn's mom doesn't know we're going out there yet. Over the past year or so, we've sort of fallen out of contact with her. We used to talk fairly often, but now its maybe once in 3 months or so. Which is really sad, because I think she is a really amazing person and I want for her to stay in contact with Caayn! But we're going to surprise the hell out of her, assuming she hasn't run into any of the rest of Caayn's family.

Of course, while we're gone, North Dakota's weather will soar into record highs with lots of warm sunshine. It seems like that happens every time we leave, the weather getting nice. Then it always returns to crap when we come back.

I'd better wrap this up. I might try and post a couple pictures of the dogs later. Chris took a really good one of Artemis, and well, it's really hard to get a good shot of Achilles. He's too black and shiny. Plus, his eyes glow like lanterns every time he's in a picture.

Some Pictures.

The first picture is Caayn, sleeping like an angel. Or a hippo companion. Either way. (Yeah, thats the hippo I wrote about awhile back.)

The next ones are obviously Sully. He loves to color and we have a wall dedicated to whatever he draws. It's fun.

And the last row is Edward. The lovely, handsome, oh-so-cute dakrat. :) I like the middle picture. His front nails were so long that his paws didn't touch whatever he was standing on. And surprisingly, his back nails weren't nearly as long.

Sorry about the quality. The actual photographs look really really good, but scanning and shrinking the images made them not so good. Boo.

Old Men in Monkey Sweaters!

On a continuing theme of winter weather driving... I notice we have the extremes out here. On the way home from the mall, really close to the turning lane to the front gate, this car goes whizzing by and pulls into the lane directly ahead of us. Now, I was already going 70mph. The roads weren't too icy, but there were still plenty of patches where you could see ice. That guy had to have been going at least 85/90mph. It was ridiculous. And of course, he turns into the visitor's center. I've noticed a reoccuring situation like that, where cars that are really hauling ass on the highway always seem to turn into the visitor's center. I don't know why. (Oh, and the highway actually is 70mph, how cool is that?)

And on the other hand... I kept getting stuck behind trucks who were going way fucking slow. I understand the roads aren't crystal clear... but there is really no need to go 20. Seriously. I hate bad drivers.

Also on my list of things that I MUST share. Friday when we took the dogs to the vet, I saw the most hilarious thing ever. An older guy (probably somewhere between 65 and 80, its hard to tell with old folks these days) wearing the most awful sweater ever. I hope he is a widower (not that I ever hope for that!), simply because I can't imagine any woman allowing her husband to go out in public looking so goony. At least, I always promise to Caayn that I won't let him be one of those guys everyone is pointing at and laughing. I can't find a picture online to share, which is a shame. It was a green tomato colored hairy sweater. Maybe some sort of mohair/angora/cashmere thing... but the hairy strands were at least 3 inches long.... it was SO hysterical. We cracked up for a good five minutes. And then we saw him inside the vet's office and it was really hard not to giggle. Oh man.

And next up. Pictures of Edward the Dakrat. :) I'll make them in their own post... One of these days I'll be forced to sign up with Flickr. It looks much more awesome than poor old Photobucket. Jimmy, more pictures WILL be coming soon. We didn't realize that they were on a different roll of film, so tomorrow we're going to use up the roll and head back downtown to get them developed. Sorry! Linkage will be headed your way before we leave. Promise!

Winter Weather and Poop

That snow that was forecasted? It happened. And all day yesterday too. We've gotten quite a bit, although I don't have actual numbers to quote. Our patio is knee deep though! Of course, Sully was crying 'suh-bah!' which means snowball, which is what he calls snow. And he wouldn't give in until we got all bundled up and walked up and down the street. He's not big on actually -playing- outside; he'd much rather go for a nice long walk. During the summer, when he was around 16, 17 months old, we would go for really long walks, him pulling me by the hand the whole way. It was fun. He also has to have actual snowballs. He carries them around, occasionally taking a bite, and crying when it starts to melt or his hand gets too cold. It's very funny.

But you know the worst part about snow? The drivers. Out here it seems like with the very first snow, its a given that people will immediately start running red lights. It doesn't stop until summer. And I'm not just saying the light is yellow and turns red when they are half way through. No, this is people who see the light turn red in front of them, and they continue to go. I don't go at a green light anymore, for about 30 seconds, just to see if anyone is going to run... The cops (ha--I think there must be like 5 cars in the whole station) rarely do anything about it. At least, I've seen two at different times just sit there when a light is run. This continues even when there isn't snow or ice on the ground. It's terrible. I turn into this crazy person who yells at other drivers, even though they can't hear me. :D

We take the dogs to the vet today for their vaccinations. Yay! Here's to hoping Artemis doesn't get a male dr!

Funny story: last time we went to PA, Artemis had to get her bordetella shot, which is actually a nasal drop, one in each nostril. Her dr was a male, and she HATES all guys. Well, thats not fair. She hates all people, but guys especially. When he was doing the nasal drops, Caayn was holding her in his arms, and they were all backed into a corner. She freaked out so much that she literally had the crap scared out of her. Yes, she shat herself in her terror. It was hysterical. Poor Caayn, I think everyone in our house, minus myself, has crapped on him. I've got video footage of our first dog Raina, who pooped on him during one of our roadtrips, specifically during a tollbooth.

Big Scary Dream

Here's where I totally and utterly freak you out.

So I had a dream this morning.
**Beware, it's pretty strange and disturbing. If you don't want your nice mental image of me to stay, then read ahead.**

Caayn and I were at some department store, kind of shopping seperately because he was 3 of his friends. I sit down and use some toilet that is just in the middle of the store. He and his friends start yelling. I yell to him that if he leaves, we are so getting a divorce. He says something and walks off, and I flip him the bird.

From there, I leave the store. It was apparently in Oak Knolls (which is a sort of small shoping center, which comprises of a 4 way stop, and about a block on each corner, back home in Orcutt--not sure if that makes sense). It's 4:45 and I realize that Sully hasn't been picked up from daycare, so I start walking. The roads I'm walking down though are in PA (specifically the one by the West Manchester mall and the Turkey Hill). Finally I get to Ally's and apologize for being so late. She said, "Oh you aren't late, Caayn and some friends already picked him up." But then Sully was sitting in an infant carseat right in front of me. I start putting his jacket on when Caayn walks in. With Sully. He sees that I'm putting a jacket on the real Sully and pushes the other kid outside again, saying, "Oops."

I'm not sure what happens to Caayn. I'm guessing he went outside too, because I'm alone with Ally, Sully and like a dozen other daycare kids (even though she is never really swamped). She confides in me that she thinks Caayn has been doing drugs with those friends of his.

Now I'm back at our house, and Sully is going to bed. Caayn and I are laying in our bed, talking. He asks me why I'm not happy. And I respond with how I had never been happy, not ever. He says, "Yeah you were. At that overnight trip you took with Josh. You blogged about it." My dream self thinks, 'yeah, but it wasn't overnight, try 2 weeks.' (No such trip has ever taken place, although Josh is a real person, used to be a best friend.) I tell Caayn that we're still getting divorced, and that I know he's doing drugs. He won't admit it. I start banging his head on the wall, then I'd stop and ask him again. That goes on for a long time, with Caayn sometimes turning into that pregnant girl Alex found from the ferry accident on Grey's Anatomy (if you've seen it, you'll know what I mean, it's the fuckin' face! It's freaky!), sometimes turning into the doll Mary lost in Kingdom Hospital...

Eventually I call 911 because Caayn isn't waking up. But 911 doesn't work because I have a cellphone. Finally I call the special number we have for base cellphones. They say that an ambulance is coming. While I talk to the guy, I tell him that there are drugs in his system. And that his friends have been doing it too, guys from his shop. And that I can point them out. That's when I notice that the guys are IN OUR HOUSE! (I'm pretty sure one of them was Sup-pronounced Soup-from Caayn's tech school and maybe basic training, and I -know- one of them was Jones, from his tech school in Vandenberg)... They start handing me toys. I push them away, because Sully is asleep. It starts scaring me really bad, so I run outside trying to find someone to wait with me for the ambulance. (I'm pretty sure the street I'm running out into is my old best friend Kristin's street). There are 2 guys and a woman across the street, in suits, with pamphlets and thermometers. One of them is a burly black guy. I tug on his suit sleeve and ask him to please come across the street with me, there are guys in my house and my husband is hurt (insert a creepy image of Caayn's head resting on a bottom step!). He snarls at me and says, "Get away little girl, can't you see we're surveyors?" I stumble backwards. There's some sort of vehicle behind me (I can't decide if it was a school bus, moving van or what, because I can see them all). I'm being pulled into it, and I find that Sully is already in there. Thats when I realize why they were handing me toys...

Flashward. I'm laying on a big table, Sully is sort of diagonal from me with his feet resting on my hip. He looks a little worried but happy. I realize that they have been cutting layers of my fingers off, and making "finger prints" on a big cloth. It's being videotaped, with feed being shown at my house, for when the ambulance arrives. There's a creepy little old man, with a white scruffy but neat beard, who is overseeing and talking to the camera. I stretch my hand out to Sully, because I'm scared. Just as our fingertips brush, they grab his hand and cut his finger off.

That's when I wake up. Talk about motherfuckin' nightmare. That right there is why I do not go back to sleep in the morning! My alarm goes off at 5:10, so I can have some 'me' time before Caayn and the dogs get up. Instead, I fell back asleep because I was tired, even after going to bed at 9... Whenever I do that, I always have weird dreams. Never quite like that though.

Although, I did used to have a LOT of dreams where I'd find out Caayn was cheating on me/secretly looking at porn and I would choke him or punch him to death. Aren't I a twisted, scary little girl? Luckily, with the help of a psychologist and a lot of work on myself, I'm no longer psycho-crazy worrying about him cheating on me all the time. (Yeah, as if he ever would, hehe!) So it was quite weird to dream that again. It's not a good feeling. I wake up feeling slimey and... well, I feel like a pumice stone or coral. Not that that makes any sense, but sometimes images/textures are all I've got. And the worst part is, normally I am able to wake myself up. I realize its a bad dream and say, hey, I gotta get up. And then I'll snap awake. But not this one.

And in case you were wondering, yes, all my dreams are that detailed and vivid. What can I say, I have an overactive imagination. I'd have survived the plague in The Stand (all the survivors had that trait in common)... :D

On that note, I'm taking my leave. May you all have MUCH better dreams tonight.