01 March 2007

Big Scary Dream

Here's where I totally and utterly freak you out.

So I had a dream this morning.
**Beware, it's pretty strange and disturbing. If you don't want your nice mental image of me to stay, then read ahead.**

Caayn and I were at some department store, kind of shopping seperately because he was 3 of his friends. I sit down and use some toilet that is just in the middle of the store. He and his friends start yelling. I yell to him that if he leaves, we are so getting a divorce. He says something and walks off, and I flip him the bird.

From there, I leave the store. It was apparently in Oak Knolls (which is a sort of small shoping center, which comprises of a 4 way stop, and about a block on each corner, back home in Orcutt--not sure if that makes sense). It's 4:45 and I realize that Sully hasn't been picked up from daycare, so I start walking. The roads I'm walking down though are in PA (specifically the one by the West Manchester mall and the Turkey Hill). Finally I get to Ally's and apologize for being so late. She said, "Oh you aren't late, Caayn and some friends already picked him up." But then Sully was sitting in an infant carseat right in front of me. I start putting his jacket on when Caayn walks in. With Sully. He sees that I'm putting a jacket on the real Sully and pushes the other kid outside again, saying, "Oops."

I'm not sure what happens to Caayn. I'm guessing he went outside too, because I'm alone with Ally, Sully and like a dozen other daycare kids (even though she is never really swamped). She confides in me that she thinks Caayn has been doing drugs with those friends of his.

Now I'm back at our house, and Sully is going to bed. Caayn and I are laying in our bed, talking. He asks me why I'm not happy. And I respond with how I had never been happy, not ever. He says, "Yeah you were. At that overnight trip you took with Josh. You blogged about it." My dream self thinks, 'yeah, but it wasn't overnight, try 2 weeks.' (No such trip has ever taken place, although Josh is a real person, used to be a best friend.) I tell Caayn that we're still getting divorced, and that I know he's doing drugs. He won't admit it. I start banging his head on the wall, then I'd stop and ask him again. That goes on for a long time, with Caayn sometimes turning into that pregnant girl Alex found from the ferry accident on Grey's Anatomy (if you've seen it, you'll know what I mean, it's the fuckin' face! It's freaky!), sometimes turning into the doll Mary lost in Kingdom Hospital...

Eventually I call 911 because Caayn isn't waking up. But 911 doesn't work because I have a cellphone. Finally I call the special number we have for base cellphones. They say that an ambulance is coming. While I talk to the guy, I tell him that there are drugs in his system. And that his friends have been doing it too, guys from his shop. And that I can point them out. That's when I notice that the guys are IN OUR HOUSE! (I'm pretty sure one of them was Sup-pronounced Soup-from Caayn's tech school and maybe basic training, and I -know- one of them was Jones, from his tech school in Vandenberg)... They start handing me toys. I push them away, because Sully is asleep. It starts scaring me really bad, so I run outside trying to find someone to wait with me for the ambulance. (I'm pretty sure the street I'm running out into is my old best friend Kristin's street). There are 2 guys and a woman across the street, in suits, with pamphlets and thermometers. One of them is a burly black guy. I tug on his suit sleeve and ask him to please come across the street with me, there are guys in my house and my husband is hurt (insert a creepy image of Caayn's head resting on a bottom step!). He snarls at me and says, "Get away little girl, can't you see we're surveyors?" I stumble backwards. There's some sort of vehicle behind me (I can't decide if it was a school bus, moving van or what, because I can see them all). I'm being pulled into it, and I find that Sully is already in there. Thats when I realize why they were handing me toys...

Flashward. I'm laying on a big table, Sully is sort of diagonal from me with his feet resting on my hip. He looks a little worried but happy. I realize that they have been cutting layers of my fingers off, and making "finger prints" on a big cloth. It's being videotaped, with feed being shown at my house, for when the ambulance arrives. There's a creepy little old man, with a white scruffy but neat beard, who is overseeing and talking to the camera. I stretch my hand out to Sully, because I'm scared. Just as our fingertips brush, they grab his hand and cut his finger off.

That's when I wake up. Talk about motherfuckin' nightmare. That right there is why I do not go back to sleep in the morning! My alarm goes off at 5:10, so I can have some 'me' time before Caayn and the dogs get up. Instead, I fell back asleep because I was tired, even after going to bed at 9... Whenever I do that, I always have weird dreams. Never quite like that though.

Although, I did used to have a LOT of dreams where I'd find out Caayn was cheating on me/secretly looking at porn and I would choke him or punch him to death. Aren't I a twisted, scary little girl? Luckily, with the help of a psychologist and a lot of work on myself, I'm no longer psycho-crazy worrying about him cheating on me all the time. (Yeah, as if he ever would, hehe!) So it was quite weird to dream that again. It's not a good feeling. I wake up feeling slimey and... well, I feel like a pumice stone or coral. Not that that makes any sense, but sometimes images/textures are all I've got. And the worst part is, normally I am able to wake myself up. I realize its a bad dream and say, hey, I gotta get up. And then I'll snap awake. But not this one.

And in case you were wondering, yes, all my dreams are that detailed and vivid. What can I say, I have an overactive imagination. I'd have survived the plague in The Stand (all the survivors had that trait in common)... :D

On that note, I'm taking my leave. May you all have MUCH better dreams tonight.


Jimmy said...

... Wtf?

Oh and it is kinda funny how your in Caayns cell phone as Phoenix...

Momma_Phoenix said...

LOL. You should pity Caayn. Every day he has to hear about the strange dreams I have.

He's in my phone as Caayn. :D That's because when we met, it was online, and those are our online names. If our last name wasn't Smith, I'd legally change it. (How dorky does Phoenix Smith sound?)

Jimmy said...

... quite dorky