15 June 2007

For Liam

I discovered Kate's blog not long ago. Over the course of a weekend, I read her whole blog, all the archives. She is so brilliant, and witty, and vibrant... her family is just amazing. On May 6th, she had her twin boys at 28 weeks. They had a thing called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which can happen to identical twins who share a placenta. It's basically where one twin gets more blood flow (and thus nutrients and stuff) than the other twin. And I think she said she was also having placental abruption, which is where the placenta starts to detach itself from the uterine wall. Since that day, her and her husband have been spending all their time in the NICU. The twin who suffered the brunt of the problem, Liam, was thought to have massive brain damage. It was touch and go for awhile, and all around just about the toughest situation someone can ever go through.

I check her blog all the time, in hopes of an update, pictures, anything. (She feels like a long-lost sister.. our children are even close in age--her son being 2 months older than Sully and the twins were due in July, which isn't too far from Novmeber...) Today, there was an update. I read the first paragraph, and then skimmed ahead. My eyes started welling, and I had to close the window. I'm not ready to read that. Not now. I'm not sure I'll be ready, ever. I can't read it while Chris is here or while Sully is awake, thats for sure. I am going to ball my eyes out. He died today. Oh, Kate! To be there, to offer anything, nothing, to be there for silence, an ear, to curse. I can't even think.

This is for Kate, Justin, Evan and Ben, who won't get to know Liam as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. This is for the world who won't get to delight in him.