26 September 2007

Greyhound Poem

On the first day, God created the Greyhound.

On the second day, God created man to serve the Greyhound.

On the third day, God created the animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the Greyhound.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the Greyhound.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the Greyhound may or may not retrieve it according to his mood.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Greyhound healthy and man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the Greyhound.

On the eighth day, God believeth that He was done, but Lo! The Garden of Eden was full of Greyhound poop and craters. Adam & Eve, having been banished from the Garden, no longer dwelleth therein to serve the Greyhound, so it came to pass that He had to clean the mess up Himself. And God was displeased.

On the ninth day, God sayeth unto the Heavens, "Who hath domain here, me or the Greyhound"?

On the tenth day, God came upon the Greyhound cockroached upon His Throne and abideth there unmoving, despite all His beseeching. And so it came to pass that God had His answer.

He then sayeth unto Moses, "Fine, you are in charge now, here are my 10 Commandments. You deal with the Greyhound, I'm retiring to Miami Beach!" And Moses convinced Pharaoh to let the Israelites go out of bondage in Egypt and journey to the Promised Land.

God sayeth unto Moses, "The Promised Land shall be yours, but you must take the Greyhound
with you." And so it came to pass that the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the wilderness, waiting for the Greyhound to go potty, mark every bush and sniff every blade of grass in its domain. And the Greyhound was fruitful and multiplied.

The people were taken by the comeliness and manner of the Greyhound, but were sorely
distressed. "Lord", they cried out, "The Greyhound is an attractive and sweet creature, but there are so many, what shall we do?" And God sayeth unto the people, "Ye are the cursed people and shall be known as adopters! Thy yards shall be barren of grass. Thy dwellings shall overflow with dog beds, squeaky toys and Greyhound kitsch. Thy carpets shall be forever
stained. Thy vet bills shall be large and thy lives forever ordered around by the Greyhound. And thy minds shall be muddled, as thou shalt treat the Greyhound as thou do thy human offspring."

And Adopters begat Chippers. And Chippers begat Fosterers. And Fosterers begat Adoption Groups. And Adoption Groups begat Discussion Lists. And Discussion Lists begat Gatherings. And Gatherings begat Vendors. And Vendors begat a wardrobe for the Greyhound.

And the Greyhound was spoiled. God looked down on this and was pleased.

-Author Unknown

* I myself am not Christian, but I find this to be wonderful. Feel free to change the word "God" into any suitable deity of your choice.

** "cockroached upon the throne" greyhounds have a sleeping position, on their back, front paws sticking either straight up, overhead or slightly curled to their chest, back legs usually resting against something or splayed wide open baring all... greyhound owners call this the cockroach. I'll have to snap a pic of Achilles doing it.


LindaVB said...

This poem is WONDERFUL! Every word of it hits home. I am on rescued Greyhound #2, a 10-year-old male (#1 has gone to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me), and I am about to "chip" with Hound #3--an "Angel Rescue"--7-year-old female.
I copied to this to Microsoft word and add the PERFECT picture of Pepper "Roaching." Wish you could see it!