A New Year

The end of another year... It's weird how having kids seems to make them go so much faster. I spent this whole year having trouble with the idea that 1997 was 10 years ago. It seems like yesterday to me. 6 months from now Achilles will turn 4. My oldest son will be 3 in a few months. How did all of this happen?!

I have never made a New Year's Resolution. Mostly because I know myself. I'm lazy and procrastinate. Just because its a new year, doesn't mean I'm going to miraculously change into a goal-orientated achiever. (Not that that is a bad thing to be!) But I think I might consider it this year. Having small kids and lots of pets has helped me get more organized. Yearly appointments have to be made and kept, vaccinations, dentist trips... I swear it seems like we have several appointments of some sort every month. I've never in my life had this many appointments! For instance: on the 4th I have a dentist appointment, on the 7th Caayn goes to discuss the ol' snip snip with his dr, on the 8th Caayn is driving with Jimmy to Bismarck for a big appointment, and on the 9th is my first obedience class with Athena. Holy cow.

In the past month I have gone more places by myself than I have in all 4 years of our marriage. We've always done things together. I think it's an improvement. Us doing everything together was very special--I've never really met any couple who did that. But for me, the improvement comes in the fact that I am able to let it happen. I had a lot of trust issues with Caayn. About 95% of the issues came from me and my trainload of baggage. 5% I will give to Caayn, for the few things he did. Nothing major to most people, but to issue-loaded folks like me, big enough. This past year I have made leaps and bounds mentally. I've been able to put a lot behind me. YAY! There's been a lot more happiness and laughter in our household. (Aside from Sully's bloodcurdling temper tantrum shrieks, of course.)

The biggest achievement of the year has to be the birth of Lochlan. Ummm, 8 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing? To have a wonderful, adorable, delicious new son who is the love of my life? By far the biggest achievement.

Speaking of... I've been considering this whole "heart" thing. We equate love with your heart. Not the physical, blood pumping heart. But an imaginary heart. One that many people seem to think is filled with a certain amount of love. We sign cards "with all our love", if someone dies there is a hole in your heart, when you have another child or pet people ask how you can "possibly love another?"... Lochlan is the love of my life. He is my heart. Sully is the love of my life. He is my heart. Caayn is the love of my life. He is my heart. Achilles is the love of my life. He is my heart. Athena is the love of my life. She is my heart. I'm not sure how it's possible. But it is true. Every morning I wake up to Lochlan's face. Sometimes he's sleeping, sometimes he's awake. It's a great way to wake up. Every night I go to sleep, he is the last thing I see. Usually from a distance of one inch. (He likes having someone as close as possible to him.)

On a similar vein... Our bedroom is our family room. 7 bodies sleep in our bed at night. This is why we have a king sized bed, haha. One person is missing though. Sully. He doesn't sleep well in our bed. He just stays awake, crawling around, then slowly getting cranky as he gets more tired. Sometimes I feel guilty knowing that the rest of our family is snuggled up without him. It's really weird. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that we seem to be co-sleeping with Lochlan. We never intended to. He was going to sleep in the bassinent of his pack n play. But he decided that was NOT for him and moved to our bed. From our bed, he has moved into someone's arms. He now won't fall asleep at night until one of us has him snugged into a crook of an arm. If he wakes up in the night, he can sleep elsewhere, but not for the first sleep. I don't mind it at all. I DO think its crazy that we are able to co-sleep with three dogs in the bed too.

Athena discovered the pack n play the other night. That is now her doggy bed. She has some super soft blankets that she curls into, and then she is out like a light. I think she might be over the pound limit for the bassinet (I *think* it is 20lbs, and she is 25lbs), but she is so cozy that I can't kick her out. Last night she was in there until at least 4:30am, which was the last time I was awake until 6, when Caayn got up for work, to discover her up. It's hilarious looking. I'll have to get some pictures. She also got a new crate yesterday. Ooh, thats a story...

So we got paid, had some gift cards and checks to cash... this, of course, meant a trip downtown for some shopping. First and foremost I wanted a crate for Athena. She was in a metal one, which was progressively getting more bent out of shape each time we left. I told Caayn that she would greet us at the door when we got home. So we went to Wal-Mart to look for a vari kennel. While we were there, Sully lost Robert. Robert is a stuffed dog. I was given Robert when I was really really little (might have been a gift when I was born, not positive though). I kept Robert with me all these years. When Sully was about 6 months old, I passed Robert on to him. He is now Sully's best friend. So losing Robert is a HUGE deal. I get freaked out, Sully gets freaked out, Caayn gets pissy... hehehe... We probably spent a good hour looking for him. Sully found him on the edge of a shelf that was about shoulder height on Caayn... just happened to look up and see him. Absolutely amazing. We trekked over to the mall, shopped at Target, checked stores for Nikes (I'm super super super picky about shoes and it always takes me forever to find a pair I like), stopped at Best Buy to return something to Jimmy, and then headed home.

Athena was, of course, at the door.

So she has a new crate. The metal one I am going to have Caayn fix (the front panel came off, but I am pretty sure he can fix it--Devil Dog managed to pull the back panel off the same crate and he got that back on), and then that will be the transport kennel. It'll just stay in the van so that whenever Athena or Achilles comes with us, we don't have to haul crates back and forth. Much easier! I think she likes this one better. It's more closed in, and a LOT more cozy.

My mother-in-law called yesterday with some scary news. She woke up to diarrhea all over her living room and her boxer sitting by the door. She let our her mastiff pup (ha, 170lb puppy...) and tried to get Amadeus out. He fell over. They tried to get him on the couch, he couldn't walk. Called the vet, they said bring him in... when they tried to pick him up to carry him to the car, he growled. Amadeus is the biggest sweetheart ever, so that was not a good sign. He crawled the whole way to the car, dragging his back legs behind him. They did some bloodwork but the vet they took him to wasn't their usual vet (I'm sure it was an emergency vet, since it was a Sunday) and they were going to charge them $500 to be paid now and then $500 the next day. She couldn't afford that, so they hooked her up with some antibiotics and pain medication, and she is taking him to her normal vet today. I'm crossing my fingers that he is okay. She would be devastated if something happened to him. (She's pretty upset as it is!)

I see that I digressed from my topic of resolutions. Oops! I'll have to get back to it. Lochlan is calling to be fed!

Athena: The Conclusion

YESSSSS!!! The mass is gone! The x-ray showed a fair amount of stuff that needs to come out her back end, so there is a good chance it is in there. She has to be on a real bland diet since she hasn't been eating in awhile and her stomach was irritated from the throwing up. But she really liked the Hill's canned food, so thats good.

The total cost of 4 x-rays and the round of barium was $160. Not bad at all. I was really expecting to pay more. Unfortunately it had to go on a credit card because we have next to nothing in the bank. Christmas sapped the account, and pay day will probably happen tonight at midnight. I hope so, anyway. Otherwise we'll have to wait for the whole holiday thing to wrap up. It's going to be so nice when Caayn gets promoted (February 1st!!). He'll be getting about $400 extra dollars a month. We'll be using all of the extra money to pay off debt, which shouldn't take long.

Poor Athena though... she is now really upset about the vet's office. When I opened the back of the van and she realized we were at the vet again, she refused to get out of the crate and then had to be carried in. After the x-ray she sat underneath my chair and growled anytime someone walked into the office. I told Caayn that we're going to have to take her on a lot more car rides that lead to HAPPY things so she doesn't start refusing to go in the car.

Two weeks until we start obedience class!! I'm SO excited. I think this is going to be really good for her, to get out and socialize with other dogs and other breeders, not to mention more people.

Athena's Home

Well, I brought Athena home... after two sets of x-rays, it shows one large walnut-sized mass that wasn't going away. What happens now is I have to bring her back to the vet in the morning (I had the option of leaving her there over night, but I know how stressed she was and I'd rather her be home over night) where we will do one more x-ray. If that mass is still there, it looks like they will be going in to remove it.

Sigh.

Let this be a lesson for me. Make sure everything is picked up off the floor at all times. And when it can't be picked up, she needs to be crated. Boo.

Athena Stays With The Vet

Athena is such a good girl. She crates so well in the car, nary a peep, as long as she has two soft blankets in there. She, however, does NOT like the vets office. When she realizes we're in the parking lot, she starts shivering with nervousness. She weighed in at 26lbs. Vet came in and took a peek at her. Did some palpations of the stomach, looked in her mouth... determined x-rays was the way to go.

X-rays didn't show much. Her stomach has a lot of air in it (I noticed while we were waiting in the exam room that she was gulping... not sure if that had anything to do with it, but it was really sad to see)... But the vet said that didn't really mean anything. "The next question is, do packing peanuts even show up on film?" was her exact phrase. I said that Caayn had asked me the same thing, lol. The decision was made to try her on some barium. We're hoping that it will help her pass anything possibly in her stomach. (The idea is that if there ends up being nothing at all, that maybe the peanut bits that she did throw up caused her to have an irritated gut...) So I had to leave her there... I HATE that so much. It makes me horribly nervous. Makes me think of the absolutely awful two weeks when first Maya was in the hospital with Parvo, then she died, and then Achilles caught it and was there for a straight week... I nearly lost him too. I don't like leaving her there. Anyway, I was getting off track. Barium, and then in an hour or so she'll get another x-ray to see if we can see any change. Then we see where we go from there.

Poor girl. I've got a few more minutes home before I head back downtown to the vet's office. I have to stop at the store first though. Ugh. Seriously, she is going to be so smothered with love when she gets home. I'll update further when I know more.

A Little Ketchup

We had such an awesome holiday. Sully wasn't too cranky, Lochlan slept most of the time, the turkey was pretty dry (dang it) but still good... Caayn and Jimmy spent lots of time shooting each other with nerf guns. And Halo-ing. I played too, but I'm so bad... It's a shame really, because I LOVE video games. I'm just really bad at them. My brain absolutely cannot wrap itself around the concept of controlling the direction stick with the camera stick at the same time. However, I find watching just as fun so its not that much of a loss.

Athena managed to get into a lot of stuff... she has to go to the vet today and see what is stuck in her craw. Hehe. I'm really hoping its something that can be fixed by making her vomit... I don't want to think about her needing any kind of surgery. On the phone the vet said it is possible that she has made whatever it is swell up from drinking and eating... At this point I am assuming it is either a nerf dart or a packing peanut. Oi. My poor girl.

Jimmy got me one of those Nike+ iPod sport kit thingies for Xmas. It's super spiffy. I'm going to buy new running shoes so I can use it. It has a little sensor that goes in your shoe and a little thing that plugs into the iPod and it records all sorts of stuff. How far you ran, how fast, how long, what songs you listened to, which songs made you run faster... I'm so excited to use it. Yesterday when I went to the gym I actually ran, in anticipation of needing to run when I use that. I only ran for 2 minutes, but hey, thats better than 0 minutes. :P I'm so out of shape its not even funny. The 2 minutes of running made my heart rate jump into the 180s. I had to stop because it makes my chest hurt. I'm pretty sure I was in better shape back when I smoked. (Hehe, I was also walking at least 10 miles a day too because I walked to work...) I didn't do much walking once I got out here though. The weather here is always too hot or too cold.

I had my last appointment with Gloria yesterday. It's a bummer that Tricare won't let me use her as my GYN. I'm supposed to return to the base hospital for all medical care. Which sucks because my PCM is always changing, so I never see the same dr. I kind of get the feeling that she was a little sad too. She's such a great lady. On a happy note, I weighed in at 143... which is down 4lbs from when I went to the dr on the 7th for the allergic reaction. Yay!

Caayn in so close to having his blood elf be level 70 on World of Warcraft. It's crazy. It almost took a year. We started playing back in April. My highest leveled character is 47... I stopped playing in August. I just got tired of grinding. None of the quests were very fun, although supposedly they fixed a lot of the stuff. Sometimes watching Caayn play makes me want to renew my account. I had so much fun playing WoW. Not sure I'd ever find time though. The kids and dogs keep me pretty busy these days. I haven't read any new blog entries in weeks.

I'm gonna stop here... I've got to go get ready to take Little Miss to the vet. Please, please, please, let this not be something requiring surgery. Please!

Christmas Time

I'm so excited for Christmas to get here. Usually we do the present thing on the Solstice, as a sort of Yule thing. We're still trying to figure out what our family will do as our own tradition. Neither of us are Christian, and both of us have some Pagan background. So celebrating Christmas itself is kind of strange. I don't think I have in 7 or 8 years? Not sure exactly, but it has been a long time.

But this year is different! Jimmy's mom was in need of a safe home for his presents to go to, so he wouldn't open them the second he got them... and that just transformed into Christmas day at our house! Caayn and I, for once, haven't spoiled our present surprise. Normally he and I are BAD. Almost as soon as they are wrapped, we give them to each other. And half the time we knew what was in them already! This year he has NO idea what I got him. I can't wait to see if he likes it. Unfortunately it was part two of a two part gift, and the first part isn't coming... :( The company didn't have any in stock until January. That was the big part, the pièce de résistance... So I hope the effect is still okay.

Sully's getting a big art table, a soccer ball, a little magnet fishing set for the bath tub, some special bath crayons (I've been wanting to get him those FOREVER!!)... maybe some other stuff, but I already forgot what else. Lochlan's getting a little tummy time play mat and a rattley thing... He was supposed to also get this UBER cute dinosaur that plays a lullaby, but I alerady gave it to him. It's so darn cute and soft.

I'd say what we got Jimmy, but he might read this in between now and tomorrow and I would hate to spoil that surprise.w... I forgot all about making a dinner thing (I can't recall anyone in my family really "doing" a Christmas dinner so it's easy for me to forget). Shame on me.

If I ever get my butt in gear, we might have a turkey tomorro

Last night, before we started wrapping gifts last night, we took a few minutes to get some photos of Athena stacked. Which is to say, standing as she would for a judge in a show ring. Just from looking at the pictures, I can see that I'm going to need to learn how to bait properly. Some of the pictures show me having her head stretched out, others have her looking up. None of them have her head in the right position, and none of them show the lovely lines of her neck. I'm not even 100% sure her feet are in the correct positions, but they look right from what I can tell. I wish I could find a handling class to take before February... I'm so new to all of this, I feel like I'm going to make a big fool out of myself! (I probably will, Athena isn't the greatest on the leash, though she is absolutely perfect on the leash inside the house.) Oh well, if I do look foolish, its not the end of the world. You gotta start somewhere! And I'll be so excited to be there that I don't think anything will bother me!





Anyway... I need to quit lolligagging around and get moving. I need to get the house cleaned up, laundry done, Achilles bathed, Artemis brushed... yuck.

Athena's Gonna Show!

Shame on me! I haven't posted since December 7th. Tsk tsk. Things have been busy around the Phoenix Caayn household.

First off, Caayn graduated from his ALS class, with honors too. He got a spiffy trophy with an eagle on it. We got a babysitter for the grad night, and enjoyed the dinner they provided with Jimmy as Caayn's other guest. That was lots of fun!

Lochlan is growing like a weed! Still sleeps a lot, but he has good stretches of wakefulness. There's nothing better than watching him check out the world around him. And he now only wakes up once at night, usually around 2 or 3am, and then sleeps until 7 or 8. YEAH! Caayn's hoping we can move him into his crib soon, but he is so particular about sleeping that I'm not sure he'll be up for that yet. He usually sleeps propped on the boppy or snuggled up in the crook of an arm, and will protest if he has to sleep on something not snuggly.

Sully's doing good too. He's talking really well and can carry on interesting conversations. One of these days we're going to jump on the potty training wagon. I think he's getting closer to being ready. A couple of times recently he has asked to go pee on the toilet... and even though he hasn't, at least he is willing to go sit on the toilet!

Things are mostly the same for me too. I've been going to the gym, gasp, in hopes of helping the weight come off. I think it's helping! My tummy is down to only 4" bigger than pre-pregnancy and I've noticed other areas where body parts look slimmer. (My upper arm no longer has a tiny roll thing above the elbow, lol.) My itchy scratchy rash is STILL hanging around, mostly on my right ear... I probably should go back to the dr and ask for a few more days of steroids, but whatever. It'll go away. And I got my hair cut tonight, finally. It looks really good, I think. :)

Now, for the more exciting stuff.

After a good talk with Carol today (Whippet Woman), we agreed to do a show with Athena. Caayn, for my Christmas present, is paying for me to take Athena to obedience classes starting January 9th. They'll be once a week for 8 weeks. And then I hope to get her into the advanced obedience class, because when that one is over, they offer CGC testing! CGC is Canine Good Citizen, and it is a course created by the AKC. Basically there are 10 things the dog needs to do that will prove he can behave well, and then the dog gets the title of CGC. Exciting!

Now, since Athena can't be spayed if she's going to be shown, Carol doesn't want to sign over ownership. This is pretty common for breeders, especially with bitches, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. We'll co-own her. I'm actually glad because Carol is such an amazing woman with a really solid history in the breed. One thing that really surprised me is that she offered to let me use my own kennel name for Athena's registered name. Her kennel is Affinity. Caayn and I, in the future, plan on having a kennel called Straylight. Originally it was going to be a boarding type of kennel, but maybe one day we will do whippet breeding. So the thought that Athena could be the first Straylight whippet is crazy exciting!

Our first show is going to be February 2nd and 3rd. Her kennel club is holding a fun match that weekend, so it'll be a good opportunity to try my hand in the ring. I'll have to drive out to St. Paul, but it'll be worth it. From what I gather, lots of folks have to drive good distances to shows, so at least I'll be doing my time as well, hehe. I'm so so so excited that I can hardly breathe. All I can think about is dog shows (and trying to watch the handlers and discussing their outfits with Caayn, hehe) and training and the whippet standard and comparing Athena's lines to other whippets I see online. One of these days I am going to get some stacked photos of her. I told Caayn that I actually hope she doesn't win an awful lot, because if she does, I would lose my excuse for going to the dog shows! I have no idea if there is a point to showing once a dog becomes a champion. I'm assuming there is, after all most of the dogs you see in the big dog shows on tv are champions already.

Eeks! I am so excited! I'm still not sure how I managed to get so lucky in finding a good woman like Carol to get a dog from. She is so willing to share her knowledge with me that I can hardly believe it. It's not often you meet someone completely out of the blue who so quickly trusts you and wants to help. Dog people are awesome. I think it comes from spending all day with creatures who spend their time smiling, wagging their tails, and spreading love.

Itchy Scratchies: The Conclusion

I went to the dr. I now have to take steroids for 5 days to clear up the problem. Too bad they didn't give me some pain pills too! I have a raging headache from the welted areas above my ears, and my ears are super swollen too. Hurts more than you would think for it just being skin irritations.

On the plus side, I learned that I weighed 147lbs, which means I've lost 23lbs since the birth. That's not too much, considering the first weigh-in of the pregnancy was 129. If I can get down to 117, that'd be awesome. 20lbs over my original weight from before Sully, but a number that I'd be much happier with. I feel no inclination to ever drop below 100 again, and I suppose it would be difficult for me to get there. Back then I smoked and walked a lot (before I met Caayn I was walking at least 10 miles a day to and from work, and then if I felt like wandering around, I'd walk some more). I could never do that again.

So as soon as this awful rash is gone, I'll be hitting the gym. I'm nervous! I've never been a gym sort of person, despite working there last year. I don't really know how to work most equipment or really know what to do, how long, etc, and I'm too shy to ask. Not to mention, I'll probably know the folks who work the front desk, lol. Oh well, I'll manage.

Funny little factoid... Whippets really can jump on the counter! Patience has mentioned it in her blog and in her book, but it's something you really have to see to believe. Athena makes it look effortless. Like the way a cat can jump amazing heights. I get worried about her doing that though, when she jumps down I'm always terrified she's going to break a little leg! One of these days I'll get a picture of her up there. It cracks me up every time I see her standing innocently beside the coffee maker.

More Itchy Scratchy

Caayn thinks I should go to the dr now... the rash has spread to the front of my neck and back onto my shoulder blades. Plus I have tons of random bumps everywhere else. My head feels like it weighs 10lbs, with how swollen all my skin is. It's really super gross. And I have one spot near my right ear where it looks like I have that flesh eating bacteria. THAT is gross.

The benadryl that Patience suggested is helping with the itching, luckily. Now I just need something for the pain. (Umm... I itched until everything got sore, lol.) YUCK!! At least my hair looks good. I am seriously never buying this brand of hair color again. It was that Sunsilk or whatever...

I'm currently running on about two hours of sleep. Lochlan was up, hungry or bored or wanting to cuddle most of the night. Then when I got him settled, Sully woke up wanting me to read Mister Dog to him. He got tucked in and cuddled and then Lochlan started crying again. Oi. Caayn's alarm didn't go off... Again, more luck. I seem to have some sort of internal alarm clock that goes off if Caayn's doesn't, so he was up at 6:45.. about 30 minutes later, Sully was awake again, shrieking at the top of his lungs about how he wanted water. Which he has in a sippy cup in his bed, by his pillow, every night. The whole hour of 7am was spent going from bed to his room, convincing him to go back to sleep. (He's been a nightmare lately from not enough sleep.) And by the time he was asleep and Lochlan was asleep, I was wide awake. Sigh.

It's currently -8 degrees outside, without wind chill. That's ridiculously cold. Means lots of hot cocoa and cuddling with Sully, Lochlan and the hounds under the super soft fleecey blanket.

Itchy Scratchies

My head itches. Bad. My neck is all lumpy and lumpy. My ears are red and swollen.

What happened?!

Caayn dyed my hair last night and I'm allergic to a chemical in permanent hair dye. I got it done by a stylist last year and the result after sitting under a steamer for like 20 minutes was tons of itchy red spots on my ears--they looked like they were bubbling, yucky.... Sigh. This will go away in a few days, but in the mean time, pure torture. Seriously, it itches worse than chicken pox.

But now my hair is black and it will have been worth the days of itchy yuckiness! I also have to make an appointment to get my hair cut again, so that I can look all neat and purty for Caayn's ALS graduation. Assuming the babysitter lady can watch the kids, of course. I HATE the idea of Lochlan being away from me, but if he absolutely has to, at least it will be with someone I know and trust. If she can't, I'll have to miss the graduation. Which will suck. This will be the first time going out at night time, dressed up, with Caayn.

On a side note, why the heck does Netflix not have anything good on their Watch Instantly thing? There's a bunch of tv shows I'd love to watch but don't feel like adding to my queue and those hours of free time are going to waste... Argh.

ITCHY!

Too Much!

Whew, apparently one cat, two children, and three dogs is my absolute limit. I can hardly find enough free time to check out new blog entries, much less post my own. Things are going good though. Surprisingly! Athena is adjusting to our household, although we are having some issues on the potty training bit. She has never had free roam of a house before and I think it has thrown her for a loop. We were told to expect some problems with it, and we've had some. It doesn't help that the weather has been in the single digits with below zero wind chills. No dog wants to go outside in that. I think I have to toughen myself up a bit and make her stay outside until she does her business, rather than feel bad and let her in after thirty seconds. (She does whine and let you know she needs to go, she just doesn't act like she has to go once she is out there.) Aside from the potty issue, the only other thing is that I think she really misses her big pack. Her breeder has quite a few dogs around, not to mention three of Athena's litter mates, and here we have Achilles who doesn't like to cuddle dogs and Artemis who sleeps in her crate. Athena will trot around whining, obviously looking for something, and I think that its her dog family. Poor thing. She'll get used to it though. And hopefully Achilles will learn to snuggle!

Lochlan is doing good. We had his two week well baby appointment yesterday, which I went to by myself with Lochlan AND Sully... (Caayn has gone to every single one of Sully's appointments, so this was a first for me.) The weather was bad, 2 degrees, and at least -15 with wind chill. Getting Lochlan in the Moby (which I had totally put on wrong, lol) and then Sully into the stroller, plus the diaper bag, was an adventure. I've never even gone somewhere with Sully by myself! Luckily, it all went well. Lochlan weighed in at 8lbs 6 oz. He checked out of the hospital at 7lbs 9oz, so he has gained. He was supposedly 20", but I thought he was 20 1/2 at birth... so... yeah. The percentiles are my favorite--90% for height and 50% for weight. Which means I again have a boy who is long and skinny. Yay!

Oh and apparently Lochlan had something wrong with his boys, that no one cared to inform me of. Something called a bilateral something or other. Basically we just have to keep an eye on them and make sure the swelling is always going down and not back up, and make sure he doesn't get any sort of bumps in his groin.

I also made the decision that we will just be having Athena spayed. Sully and Lochlan are too young for me to get involved in something as active as the dog stuff can be. Since we live in North Dakota, all events will be out of state (Bismarck only just had their very first dog show in August). Which means traveling away from the family. We also don't have loads of money to spare for said events and travel. I'm young, there is still lots of time for me to get involved with that once they are older.

Athena!

This is Athena!! Isn't she just the most gorgeous thing you've ever laid eyes on? I'd like to get a shot of her standing, to show off her beautiful lines, but that will come later when she is a little more adjusted. So far she is coming a little more out of her shell, likes to be near us some, but then when she has had enough so goes and lays down in her crate. She is such a little dainty girl--half the time when she is laying there, she'll cross her front paws. It's adorable.

Athena The Amazing Whippet

Just a quick update... we left at 3am for Minnesota. Caayn managed probably 2 hours of sleep, maybe 3, and I had about 45 minutes. A large amount of red bull and cat naps revived us. We made it to Whippet Woman's house around noon. Her house was so darling--tons of statues of whippets, artwork with whippets, and photographs of her dogs and from the many shows she's been to. She was really quite enjoyable to meet and had lots of good stories to share. She seems like the type of woman who you could just sit with for hours and you'd never ever get bored, just full of interesting stories and knowledge.

Oh My GOSH... Athena is absolutely gorgeous. Just wonderful. Sully asked about her the WHOLE trip out there, and once he saw her, he was in love. He thinks she is just about the coolest thing since ketchup. He pronounces her name Uh-snee-na and was calling her Snee for short, which was pretty funny.

We are also at an interesting point. Whippet Woman was talking about showing and dogs with me, and she was saying how our girl has a really good front as well as the right arch in her back and really great stifles. So it's the decision of do we spay her or do we maybe try some showing. And she said she was willing to let us do one litter with her, which would be really interesting. Not sure how I feel on that one--I know I would keep one of her puppies and we can't do that right now. And having spent so much time learning about whippets while waiting to get her, I've really got interested in the stuff they can do. The show world seems like a really fun place, and there is so much you can do. Plus there is lure coursing, which looks like fun too. Apparently she has really good bloodlines...

Boy, it sucks living in the middle of nowhere. I'd love to be able to spend more time with Whippet Woman and learn more about all of this. She did say that if we do want to check out the dog shows in the area, we are welcome to stay at her place while we're in town.

In other words, I think I have maybe found an interest in something. I always feel so boring because I don't have "fun" hobbies, like scrapbooking or quilting or whatever it is other ladies do... But me and dogs go hand in hand, and to have something I could do would be really fun. I plan on poking around and seeing if it is something I could consider now or if I should wait to really get involved.

Anyway, we are all exhausted and are going to bed. Here's to the first night with whippet snuggles!

(By the way, I see why people end up with tonsof whippets--they are SO SO SO awesome.)

And one last bit--in the few short hours we've had her, we are already seeing her open up and blossom. She was really reserved when we met her, kept her tail tucked and sort of just stayed still... now she is happily jogging around, tail curled out and wagging. She has the best little smile...

Pictures coming forthwith! Just not tonight.

The Story of Lochlan

So I finally wrote it. The birth story. It's not eloquent. It's pretty much exactly what happened, lol. This blog is so helpful, in that I have finally found a place where I can write down things like this and not worry about it getting lost. And it is really really long.

I woke up at 2:30 needing to pee, as usual. While awake I had a contraction that wasn't quite like any I'd had yet. Painful, long, letting me know it was there. It happened again while I was peeing. I went back to bed thinking a few things. I'm more comfortable there, can deal with contractions better there, and maybe I could go back to sleep.

Nope! I was denied on all three points. These were really too much to be able to sleep through, and laying in bed was starting to make me antsy. I headed downstairs to walk around but they were too much to walk through so I hung out with my birthing ball. After only two more contractions, I thought maybe I ought to time them or something. Usually when I was having all those braxton hicks, as soon as I would start timing them, they'd fizzle out. So the ball and I rolled up to the comp desk and I found the website I was looking for. I think it is called contraction master or something like that, and all you had to do was hit the space bar at the beginning and end of the contractions. The worst part was I absolutely couldn't focus on anything else so I was just sitting here feeling a bit like a dork hitting the space bar. And the contractions were consistantly coming two minutes apart and lasting roughly a minute long. Oh yeah, did I mention it hurt?

At this point I decided that this was it and the baby was coming. Yipee! It was also at this point that I realized how short of a time period two minutes is. I made it back upstairs where Caayn promptly woke up (more like shot up out of bed) and asked what was the situation. I wanted to try taking a shower, both to try and help with the pain and to smell all nice and pretty. I think I lasted about 3 contractions in there before I had to get out. There was a fair amount of pressure going on down there and I was worried that he might be right there or something. I sent Caayn to get Sully ready and then got ready myself.

The drive was quick. I called my mom, but she was asleep (uh, it was 2am her time, 3 ours)... We timed our walk across the street so I wouldn't get stuck halfway across when a contraction hit, lol. (Remember how I said 2 minutes seems like a short time?) We made it to the maternity floor pretty quick, and got checked into a room. It's such a strange feeling to have people swarm at you with various bits of equipment, like a pack of lions on their prey. It was decided that I was 3cm, which isn't enough to keep you at the hospital, except for the contractions I was having and the distance of our drive. They checked back in an hour, I was 4cm. I think I dilated about a centimeter an hour, since I was in labor for 8 hours and had started at a 2.

The pain was pretty bad. It was all back labor again and I hardly even felt the tightening in front. Back labor is such a strange pain. It's not sharp. It's like lightning coursing through a small area. Like licking a battery. Dull but very bright at the same time. Breath taking.

I took a shower there, if you could call it that. The stall was seriously like 2 feet by 2 feet with a small stool taking up half the area. I couldn't get the water hitting the right area or the stool in the right spot and every time I got up to adjust one or the other, I'd get a contraction. Eventually it ended up with me just having back to back contractions, not able to really do anything but cry, so I had to get out. At this point, I asked for an epidural. Yes, I really did want to do a natural childbirth, but that goal was secondary to my desire for a VBAC... and while I knew the risks that an epidural can pose to vaginal births, the benefits outweighed them.

There was a hidden plus side to me asking for the epidural. I didn't get it for a really long time. I think I should mention that I was making really awful sounds. Originally I had started out toning through contractions, which is where you make a low tone with your voice. After the shower, I was making much higher pitched sounds. Uhh, think almost screamy. And it was really silly too, because the whole time I was doing this, there was a small voice in the back of my head reminding me that I needed to be lower and yada yada... My midwife was the only one who could get me through a contraction more quietly, and I swear they were even a wee bit less painful. However, she didn't stay the whole time so I was sort of shit outta luck.

They had to give me an iv for saline or whatever before the epidural. Oh wait, before even that happened, some lab tech dude came in and drew some blood. Have you ever had blood drawn while contracting? Oh my freaking gosh, it was awful. And in fact I got my worst needle bruise from that.

Oops. Baby break.

Right, the iv. The gal giving me the iv was AWFUL at it. Caayn described it as if she were sewing something--she kept digging and pulling back and digging in again... she hit the bone once... Yowzers. I was pretty much crying hysterically from that; the pain she gave me was actually worse than the contractions. And after all that, they had to have someone else redo it on my other hand. Ugh. Pure hell. It took forever to stop crying after that. I got a shot of something or other, to help with the pain while waiting for the epidural. It made me really loopy. I *think* I still felt the contractions, but was really sleepy feeling in between. Time sort of blurs at this point.

Jimmy showed up at some point with coffee for himself and Caayn. I think this was after the epidural. Let me back track. At 7 cms, the midwife announced my bag of water was bulging and that she wanted to rupture it. I refused to let them do that until after I had the epidural because I knew that things were going to go really fast and get more painful once they did that. (I also suspect that they were sort of annoyed that I refused then and was sort of being a pain in the rear, but oh well, I was the one in labor, not them!) So, because I made a big deal about it, I got the epidural. I kind of think they were going to not give me one, since everyone knew I was trying for a natural childbirth... Guy came in, it took two tries to get it just right. It was difficult to not move (or scream) during the contractions but at the same time focusing so hard on not doing that almost made it hurt less. My midwife was on hand directly after the epidural was in to break my water. There was meconium in it, just like with Sully.

The iv drug was still in effect so I was kind of goofy feeling. Caayn and Sully and Jimmy hung around. I can't remember what we all talked about, but there was laughter which was good. There was no laughter during my labor with Sully. A nurse came in to check me and as she goes to do that she says, "Oh! The baby is right there!" I thought that was really funny. We're all chitchatting and whatnot and here the baby is getting ready to come out. Jimmy hung out with Sully in the other room so that Caayn could be with me (thank goodness too, because if he hadn't shown up, Caayn would have had to wait in the other room with Sully!).

So I've got the midwife and two nurses (I think, maybe 3) and Caayn all around the bed. I was getting really giddy feeling, knowing it was time, knowing I was GOING TO DO IT! It really was all capitals in my head. It took a few pushes to figure out how to push the right way, since I was seriously numbed up. They did the mirror thing so I could see him, although the nurse holding the mirror (I think she was the Evil IV Nurse) was really bad at it and I barely got a glimpse. Caayn remembered my complaint from the last labor, when they would tell me to push and no one would count... he did a fantastic job of counting it out and reminding me that I could do it. I got to see when his head was out--totally mind boggling because I didn't even know his head had been pushed out! And while they were suctioning him, his one shoulder popped out, and then whoop, he slid right out. It was SO strange to feel and see my belly go from rounded with child, to a glob of jelly. The feeling was such a relief too. I got to see him right there, and while Caayn had intended on cutting the cord, with the meconium present, they had to move things too quickly to allow for that. Caayn said I was a little creepy during the whole pushing phase, because I was grinning... But ya know what? I was totally allowed to grin. I was DOING IT. I was pushing my baby out just like I knew I could. And you want to know the best part? Lochlan was facing crooked too. He wasn't complete brow presentation like Sully was, but he wasn't facing the right way. And I DID IT. HA! HAHAHA! That was so darn satisifying to know.

The afterbirth wasn't bad, barely even a wee push. Oh, somewhere in the pushing, I had an episiotomy. Here's where I give a lot of details that I wasn't really aware of in the 30 minutes of pushing. Lochlan's heart was dropping a lot during each contraction, badly enough that if I hadn't pushed him out when I had, they were going to do an emergency c-section. Hence the episiotomy. Apparently what had caused the fuss was the umbilical cord was very short. Like seriously short. So each time I pushed him further out, he was pulling more and more on the placenta. I got to see the placenta, which was kind of cool. It was gross looking though--the meconium had been in there long enough to make the placenta get funky on one part.

He didn't get to cry because of the meconium. (Oh, and if anyone has been wondering what the heck that is, it is stool that has been gathering in the baby for awhile and is their first poop. It's pretty yucky stuff. They usually do this outside the womb. When in happens inside, there is a risk of them aspirating it, which can cause bad respiratory problems.) They had to spend a bit of time suctioning and pumping to make sure everything was out first. His first sounds were these super cute little mewling sounds... I, of course, thought it sounded an awful lot like a little puppy. His apgar scores were very low, 3 at one minute after birth, 5 at five minutes and 8 at ten minutes. (Apgar goes up to 10, though I think most babies get 9s.) Apgar scores are based on several things, can't remember all of them (think there are 5) but I know some are skin color, crying, movement...

I had to stay in that bed forever though, which was annoying. The epidural took a long time to wear off, even though they pulled it out after the birth. I remember being annoyed that my one leg was sticking out and wanted to move it but absolutely couldn't. My toes would move a bit, but that was it. I tried picking it up with both arms and moving it... even that didn't work. It gave me the giggles though.

So that is the long winded story of Lochlan's coming into the world. 8 hours of labor exactly, from 2:30 am to 10:30 am. 30 minutes of pushing. Absolutely perfect.
I still can't believe it. And the most amazing part is how much I loved him when I saw him. I didn't have that with Sully. Everything about his birth shocked and jarred me. I couldn't grasp it. When they tried to show him to me for the first time, I turned my head away. I had to work at bonding with him and coming to know him. The first time I held him was awkward, I didn't feel that connection. But this time was so different. I was THERE. In the moment. I DID IT, and there he was. It's only been a week, but I still can't get enough of him. I try to see Sully in there, because everyone says they look alike... and I try to remember what Sully looked like... but its like grasping at mist. Lochlan is his own person and thats who I see. He is really darn cute. And he is so much different than Sully was. From what I remember.

Lochlan isn't much of a noise maker, unless there is something wrong. He likes to sleep, he likes to have his soft blanket against his cheek. He does NOT like a dirty diaper. He likes to sleep in bed with us rather than swaddled and in his pack n play. He can fart in the most amazing variety of sounds, time lengths, and stinks. Oh, and he has the softest hair ever. Achilles doesn't feel so silky now that I have something even softer to feel!

That's about it. We're working our way into a schedule... one part of the schedule calls for a 4 hour period of wakefulness in the night, either from midnight to 4am or 3am to 7am. Why, I don't know.

And I'm confused about the breastfeeding thing. It seems to be all wonky or something. In the day time, it satisfies his hunger. But then at night time, he will eat for like 2 hours and just get so mad and frustrated, which leads to caving into a bottle of formula. I almost gave up breastfeeding out of frustration--I couldn't get him to latch correctly and didn't have the slightest idea how to contact a lactation consultant... I was SO raw and bleeding that it was very miserable... I think the formula might have messed with my supply or something. So I don't know. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep up on it though, it's something I'd really like to do. It's going to be a struggle for me, I can tell. Already I am going back to my normal style of eating. In that I don't. Typically for me I will eat some sort of snacky-meal thing (pop-tarts or a bowl of cereal or a sandwich, etc) once or twice in the day time, and then dinner. And thats it. So I'm trying harder to eat so that my milk keeps up.

Oh!! We go to pick up Athena on Saturday. I am so so so excited. It's going to be a sort of icky trip, I think. We have to leave our house either at 4 or 5am to make it to her house by noon or 1pm. We can spend up to two hours there before it starts pushing us back to god-awful hours of home arrival. The smart thing to do would be to rent a hotel room, but I have no clue if we'll be doing that or not. Probably not. We're known more for our pushing straight through road trips, lol. I suspect there will be a LOT of coffee and other caffeine beverages.

Thats about it. I'm going to go read the sleepy time books for Sully so he can take a nap. This is when I get to cuddle up close with him and feel his big kid body, big and solid and warm while we read. I can't believe how big he has grown in just 2 years. From Lochlan's size to where he is now. What a boy!

I didn't send this when I was done, so its now many hours later than that previous paragraph. I remembered stuff to add.

Later in the day after Lochlan was born, a nurse came in and warned me that he was "very jittery" and that when she tested his blood sugar level, it was a bit low. I warned her that I was also on an antidepressant, and the information for the drug warns that if taken during the third trimester it can cause withdrawals in the baby... and jitters is a symptom of that. (This was one of the situations where the benefit of me being on it was better than me being off of it.) We never did see any of the jitters she was talking about. Just thought that was an interesting bit that I didn't want to forget.

Life With Two

I'm not up to writing out the birth story yet, but thought I'd give a little update.

Caayn was not allowed to quit his class, and my mom ended up not being able to come out either. So guess what? I've been rocking the mom of two thing by myself for, well, today is teh second day. Kind of scary, kind of fun. I think I'll enjoy this more when moving is easier and my jelly belly stops robbing me of my breath.

Lochlan is AWESOME. Except that he sleeps so long feeding is difficult. Like, he prefers to wait 5 hours between feedings rather than 2 or 3 that a normal baby might go. I try to let him lead, because trying to feed a baby who would rather sleep is nigh on impossible. (Seriously, he doesn't even wake up when I change his diaper.) But the moments when he IS awake are pure heaven. Gracious, I don't think there is a cuter baby in the world. I'm totally in love.

Sully is rocking too! He likes Lochlan, rubs his head, gives him kisses, lets me know if he is drooling or crying... And he seems to be keeping his tantrums to a minimum, which is lovely. :) We are watching a lot more tv than usual, but oh well. When he crawls up on the couch to snuggle with me, and I've got Lochlan in my other arm, oh man... My boys! I got my boys and it is perfection.

Caayn is understandably pissed off about having to do the class still. He was looking forward to spending time with all of us, getting to hang out with Lochlan and everything. Luckily next week is a 3 day week so he can spend a little extra time around the house.

The differences between these two births keep astounding me, as well as some of the similarities. Literally everyone has asked me what I think of this recovery vs last time. It's funny to think that I've been home for two nights already, when last time I was still in the hospital. The one strange thing is that they still gave me a 10lb carrying limit... I would have thought I could lift anything, but whatever. And surprisingly I'm not too exhausted. Well, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but I don't feel tired when it happens. I blame it on Lochlan and his wonderful snuggly warmth that soothes the soul and lets you drift on a cloud of pure bliss. Plus, like I said earlier, he freaking sleeps forever, so it's not like I have been up all night. (Although oddly enough, I laid awake several times last night, unable to fall asleep. Ugh!)

Now that I should be doing some laundry, I'm going to go snuggle with Lochlan some more and read Mama Pajama Tells A Story... I'm almost finished with it. If you love dogs, it is a MUST-READ. If you love Whippets, it's even better! Patience is a wonderful author, she's on my blog roll if you haven't checked her out yet. I was lucky enough to win this copy via a contest she held on her blog, and received it along with martingale set for Athena (when she gets here). I have to send the collar back, it's too small, but its really awesome. I've never held one in my hands before, and I see the brilliance in them now. One of these days, when we recover from the loss of money that comes with having a baby (oops, forgot we need this, oops, we really need that, umm food?), I'm going to buy one for Achilles too.

Birth story sometime soon, I promise.

Mr. L is Here!!

I'm writing this ahead of time so that Caayn can come home and fill in the details. As soon as I can, I will be sharing the details... I love a good birth story!

Lochlan Emery
Born on November 11th at 10:30 am
He is 20 1/2" long and weighs 7lbs and 12 ozs.

Caayn's version of the story:

Everything went really well...except the waking up at 2 am because labor always chooses the most inconvenient times to start. At about 3 am, the contractions were coming at 2 minutes apart so we packed up and headed down the road. Phoenix labored until about 9 am without any medication (to 8 cm) then opted for an epidural because her back labor was so intense. She completed and started pushing around 10 am, did wonderfully, and Lochlan made his appearance sometime around 10:30 (not 100% sure on the time...horrible I know!). Baby and Momma are doing just fine and enjoying some much deserved relaxation time at the hospital.


Sully thinks "Love YOU, Lochlan!"


Here's a picture of the dude!: Erm...not a technical wizard here. Phoenix will post it later. Or, for now, check out her Flickr page!


See ya all when I can!

Is This It?

Okay guys... this may be it.

Fairly painful (umm, very painful) contractions.... roughly two minutes apart lasting a minute. And to top that fun off, lots of pressure.

Gonna go take a shower and hope that helps some. If not, I may be going to the hospital sooner than I thought. 2 minutes apart is not very much fun.


*I've stopped three times just writing this little post for a contraction*

Help Some Pets?

Just got this in an email from one of the dog groups I've joined, and thought I'd pass it along to any folks who pop on here.

"Hi, all you animal lovers. This is pretty simple.. Please tell ten friends
to tell ten today! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough
people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food
donated every day to abused and neglected animals.

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on the purple box
"fund food for animals" for free. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising."

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

If you were wondering:

Snopes.com says this is legitimate!
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/charity/animalrescue.asp

Generally I am not a fan of ANY kind of chain mail thing and I usually delete them even before opening if the subject has FWD: FWD: RE: FWD: at the beginning... but Snopes actually did give it a green light. So add it to your bookmarks and hit it when you think about it.

Tidbits

The sky is blue this morning. That's always a nice thing to wake up to. So often in winter out here the sky stays a blah shade of whitish grey. Our window faces the sunrise, and the light slowly hits our tan curtains. The other morning I saw our curtains turn a lovely shade of pink as the sun came up.

Sully woke up wanting to go outside. I had to say no. Too many things to do first: diaper change, clothes, breakfast... There was a lot of shouting on his end. I was too tired to speak above a normal voice. When I convinced him to come upstairs and see Daddy, I opened the door to see Achilles curled into a tiny ball between my and Caayn's pillows (I forget the proper way to say that). Poor dog. He is really sensitive to raised voices, loud noises, Sully. I, of course, had to get in there and cuddle him to bits. Finding new ways to curl up with him is very nice. His fur is so soft and warm, and the way it lays over his muscle and bones is a delight to the touch. In his intense need for comfort, he ended up with a head on my pillow, nose completely squished sideways into my arm. When I tried to move it, he firmly pressed down with his muzzle, saying, "No thanks, Momma, this is just right."

Sully did calm down, although there were a few moments of near catastrophe where he had feet in my belly-OW- and when he attempted to kick Achilles a couple of times. Grrr. He gets in trouble for that. I don't tolerate bad behavior towards dogs. Even if he repeats me. (As in, I'll tell Achilles to go on, which means quit begging, and then Sully will repeat it... I don't like him saying it because I'm not sure that he understands WHY I say it.)

Still cold out, the houses all have frost on the roofs. I like when the cold seems to sharpen everything outside. Everything looks crystal clear, more defined.

Housing cut down a tree from our neighbor's yard. They cut it into firewood and left it in our backyard. A guy came over when they were done saying that he wants that firewood and that we are to chase off anyone we see near it because he'd be back on Tuesday to pick it up. Seriously? He should have told our neighbors this. With our giant white 'privacy' thingy, we can't even see the pile, whereas they can look out their back door and see it. Not to mention this scary new pile of who-knows-what scares the heck out of Achilles. He spends a good deal of time barking at it. Caayn took him over to see it, and he did the stiff-legged dog stretch and stuttering walk... silly ol' dog. Still doesn't like it though.

Still no baby. Apparently he is going to attempt to hold out for the induction. (Boo.)

Oh and I put the Grinch Who Stole Christmas on our Netflix queue (its here now but we always forget to check the mail for days at a time)... Sully LOVES that book, so I can't wait to see what he thinks of the movie, lol. I wonder if The Lorax ever made it to DVD.

My Aunt

Today is my aunt's birthday. She's turning 29. Not really, but that is what we always say about her and my uncle. Her name is Vicky, and when asked who the most beautiful woman in the world is, I would choose her. I used to call her Aunt Mom, because that was sort of our relationship. She was my aunt, but also my mom. Absolutely full of wisdom, a very talented artist. I'm not sure how many hours have been spent sitting around her kitchen table, or the fire pit out back, talking. Beyond count. A lot of the interests I have in things are similar to hers and my uncles. I always joked that I should have been their child, because neither of their daughters share any interests. My uncle, Bob, taught me to love heavy metal music, old cars, the proper way to wash off a kitchen table (hehe)... All the hot wheels cars I have were from him. My aunt showed me kindness, how to have boundaries, the joy of a good book paired with a cup of good coffee and a cigarette, and how a really great conversation can soothe the mind, body and soul.

One of these days, I might post a picture or two of her. Maybe not. I'm not sure how she would feel about that.

And a funny thing about us. We have birthdays exactly a week apart. We were born one hour apart. (1:24 and 2:24 am, and I still don't know which is me!) And our charts are almost exactly mirrored. I'm not very good with astrology (I can come up with a chart, but I haven't figured out how to interpret it into something that is useful), but I would have thought that would make us different... but we're not. I miss her.

When I think of Vicky, I think of long black hair, silver jewelery, patchouli, flowing fabrics, strength, the mingled smells of coffee and cigarettes, books, funny socks...

SNOW!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!! We are having our first snow!!! FINALLY! It's not much, none has stuck to the ground yet, but I don't care. I'm excited. I love the snow (when I don't have to go out in it for long periods of time)! And I still can't believe how long it took to get here. Seriously global warming, how about no messing with the snow patterns...

And I have good news! It is very possible that my mom will be coming out soon. Apparently her boyfriend-guy-thing took out some home equity or whatever it is, and is willing to buy her a plane ticket out here and back. This could solve a lot of problems. Like, Caayn not having to drop out of ALS because she could be here long enough to help me get into the rhythm of life with two babies. Also she could be here when we go get our whippet. We could leave Sully here (oh thank goodness, I've been wondering what that will be like, since he will be having irregular naps that day and being up late AND bringing home a dog)... And the dogs wouldn't have to go to the kennel...

So that is freaking awesome. I'm not sure when to have her come out though. I've been thinking the 15th might be a good time. If Mr. L comes before then, I can hold out the two days it would take where Caayn might have to be in ALS, until she gets here. And if he comes after, she could watch Sully. The possible daycare lady called me last night saying that her dr isn't allowing her to walk for another 2 weeks. She had an appt yesterday to assess her recovery from surgery. So that does put us in a situation of needing to figure something out. But yeah, I'm really glad that we might have a good way to work it out. :)

So lots of yays today! That always bodes well!

Fences and Whippets

Gloria called yesterday morning with the date for my induction. November 16th. My due date. Boo! She said the hospital was booked until then. So while there is still an end in sight, it has not moved any closer. And I've pretty much stopped having contractions. Don't know what that means, but it is a little depressing!

Caayn talked with the Housing office today about our fence situation. Let me give a little background details. Our house is on the "main" street, and a little ways up there is a side street. Our one neighboring house has it's back to us, because they are facing that side street. All the houses around here are duplexes. The second apartment of the house is empty. It was completely flooded, the floors are ruined, etc. Basically, it is unusable. But they do have a good sized backyard free of electrical boxes and trees. So Caayn went in to talk with them, since they denied us a military fence, but we could supposedly use a contracter's fencing. He asked if we could use the backyard of that one house, since it would be ideal for us--its the opposite direction of the boxes and would actually allow us to have a nice yard. The guy couldn't authorize our use of it, but his boss will be in on Friday and Caayn is supposed to go in and talk to him about it. (Keep your fingers crossed--I would LOVE for us to be able to use their yard. Downside--Caayn would have to maintain both our yard and that yard.)

When we initally asked about using an outside fencing company, we were told we could have a kennel sized run. This was further clarified during the meeting today. Apparently we can have any size "kennel" we want, as long as it didn't include those boxes. Good news for the most part, except one big portion of our yard is "fenced" off with a privacy fence thingy... it's a big white fence around our patio, with a door sized opening into the yard. If that fence thing could go, the dogs would have even more running room--otherwise they would have a flat bottomed U shape they could run in. And it wouldn't be more than like 6 feet wide. :P Boo.

So hopefully we'll get this all squared up on Friday and can get our butts in gear putting that fence up. Caayn has not really been interested in this, because it is an awful lot of running around and talking and not getting anywhere, but I keep pushing him. There is no way I am going to bring a 7 month old whippet into my household with a 2 year old and soon to be newborn just in time for winter. No freaking way. It would be like having triplets. No thanks!!

And regarding Ms. Whippet, I called to confirm the 24th again. And to let her know that the date of the dog show she had mentioned last time was wrong (its on the 17th), and to see if there were any other dog events that had been scheduled for the 24th. Apparently there is a lure coursing event somewhere, but she won't be attending--I think she might have dogs entered though. She is such a nice woman. She invited us to come down for Thanksgiving, which I had to decline. Caayn mentioned that Jimmy had invited us, and that would be infinitely more fun than being with a bunch of people I don't know (I'm shy!). So it's still on for the 24th. I like having a solid date. Crap, I need to call the kennel and see if they have an opening for our dogs. We'll be gone possibly up to 20 hours (16 hour round trip, but not sure how long we'll be there, and I'm including stops for diaper changes and breastfeeding), and that is too long to leave our dogs unattended in our house. Plus it will provide an excellent opportunity to have the dogs meet. Our kennel is right by the dog park. So we can have the whippet meet Achilles there, and I forgot the rest of the plan, but somehow we are going to get everyone home and have Artemis meet her here. (Artemis doesn't meet dogs well in public and does much better in our house.)

Pictures were promised again, she said she'd be mailing them to me. Not sure if that is mail mail or email, but sometime soon I'll have some photos of our girl. Yipee!

Oh, and for the record--I don't WANT to give birth on the 16th. That's like a week long recovery before a road trip. Seriously, not enough. So keep sending birthing vibes, hehe, we're hoping he comes sometime soon. My mom said he CAN'T be born on Friday, which is my aunt's birthday, so I'm hoping that is enough to jinx it... Lol.

Midwife Update

Here's the dirt on my midwife appointment today.

I weighed 170 (I *think* I'm now 25 lbs over my top weight of Sully's pregnancy!), my blood pressure was 120/80 and Mr. L's heart rate was in the 140s. Yes, I keep track of this stuff on the calender, and did so with Sully too! It's kind of fun to see how things go. Hmm, I'm apparently at 41 lbs gained. Oi.

Gloria said she was surprised to see me, that Wendy (second midwife) expected me to go over the weekend. I am still 2 cms dilated, boo, and am now 80% effaced. She attempted to strip my membranes again, but she said that Wendy did a really good job because there was nothing to strip.

Now, because I am going for a VBAC, there's a game we have to play. It's the delicate balance between medical interventions that will either help me achieve this or push me towards a c-section. I'm sort of wary, because I'd prefer NO interventions. (I'm also hoping to have a natural child birth, no pain meds, but this is more of a secondary goal.) She and Wendy are going to meet tomorrow and come up with a decision. Neither of them want me going to date, since Mr. L will just keep growing and possibly diminish my VBAC chance. So they're going to look and see which date would be best for an induction. Boo. Now I'll be waiting for a phone call on that, with an appointment scheduled for Tuesday next week, in case nothing has happened by then.

I'm looking at my options, and there aren't many. I've looked into all the natural induction methods, and most haven't seemed to have much of an effect. GRR. So I'm trying castor oil for the third time, today's dose being much higher than the first two. If this doesn't work, tomorrow I am hitting the gym after Caayn comes home from his first day of ALS. I'll walk on a stupid treadmill until my poor bones won't go any further. (Too cold outside--today it was 32 with a windchill that made the air feel like 17 degrees.)

Baby clothes have been washed and sorted. Funny thing I noticed--apparently I saved a bunch of 0-3 months clothes and also some 6-12 months, but not a single piece of clothing from 3-6 months! Pure silliness. Oh, and we have a total overload of blankets. As in, I think there are about 12 or 13? And I'm sure there will be some more in the mail, hehe! That's okay. I love baby blankets. They're so soft and warm.

Carseat is in the car... how weird is that? Caayn put the washed cover back on and adjusted the shoulder straps down to newborn size... and it looks SO teeny tiny. Like, how can a baby possibly be so small to fit in there? I worry just a bit that I'm going to think Sully is of monstrous proportions and that the baby will seem too small, lol.

Anyway, here's to hoping you don't hear from me for a few days because I'm busy popping a baby out... :D

New Blog Look!

The other Phoenix updated her blog's look and it gave me the itch to get mine changed... it's been the same for almost a year now. Took me FOREVER to choose one, I had like 8 that I really liked. I settled on this one. :)

Now, if Mr. L would just appear so I can change my profile info... hehehe! Oh, and midwife appt tomorrow, so I'll have an update on that whole thing then.

A Long Winded Story About My Mom

I discovered something on Friday that has been sort of rattling in my brain, needing to get put on paper (or, well, a computer screen) so that I can think through it and see it in front of me. This is how I think best.

My mom and I are pretty close. I've said this before, I'm pretty sure. We talk on the phone at least once a week, for an hour or more each call, and we often email very long emails to each other. (Sort of like how my blog entries are forever long? Yeah, I got that from her; Caayn calls us the wordy bastards, lol.) I don't like to spend a lot of time with her in person though, which is strange. I think this has to do with a lot of things from my past, part of which would have to do with the fact I've really been the one to take care of myself since I was young. Where I lived, who I lived with, the rules of each house... those were never constant, there was usually just me.

Now, my mom is the black sheep in the family. Basically, it's like she doesn't exist to them. None of them want to talk to her, or want anything to do with her, despite her efforts to reconnect every now and then. I understand this better than she does, because I've lived with the other family members and I know where they stand. I've tried explaining to her, but it's both hard to say and hard to hear.

Because I'm close to her, it is a little difficult talking to other family members. My aunt and uncle are probably my most favorite people in the world. They came close to adopting me once, something I've really regretted, since it didn't happen. They open their arms and it is like home. We don't talk on the phone much, it's too hard for me. My aunt prefers to be the one on the phone, so I don't get to talk to my uncle (or if I do, it's like a 3 minute conversation). And they've done so much to try and separate me from my mom. I know they are coming from a place of love, because my mom truly is a different kind of person, and its hard for them to understand why I invite her chaos into my life. And while I can handle hearing criticism about her, because she has indeed made many mistakes just like everyone else, they sometimes go too far or hit a nerve with me. So we don't talk too often..

My mom moved to Arizona last summer. It was a VERY monumental decision. She was leaving her 12 year relationship with a bad man. An abusive man. (He was about 10% of why my family was upset with her.) I dreamed about killing him, and that is not said lightly. I have honestly hated, truly hated, very few people in my life, but him I will probably carry hate for, for the rest of my life. So when she left him, oh it was a fine day.

She had met a guy online. This didn't mean much, since she had used the 2 visits out here as excuses to meet guys she'd found online on the way back home. (Gee, thanks Mom, make me the alibi in some crazy scheme...) He was going to move her out to live with him. My brother rented a u-haul for her, since she doesn't have a driver's license (back owes on child support from when I lived with my grandma), and he helped her move out there. She left the bad man while he was at work, sort of a daylight sneaking out; smart too, since if he had known, he probably would have killed her.

There was more to the story than she told either me and my brother, and that hurt. She lied to us. She doesn't always tell the truth about things, and thats to be expected, but in this situation, we both deserved to know the whole truth. The guy was married. For 35 years. She was moving into a trailer. My brother was extraordinarily pissed, and he had the right to be. He had helped her move there, to destroy a marriage. Uncool!

But there is more to this story as well. His marriage was already on the rocks. They just didn't have any reason to get divorced. The lady has met my mom, read all their emails to each other, and with a hug, told my mom that she was what he needed. Over the following year, Mom has bounced from place to place, job to job. She's not a good worker, mostly because she never picks the right kind of job for her.

I talked to my brother on Friday. He is... I don't know the word for it. To explain it a little, he is your typical Leo, as well as a typical example of a boy who grows up without a dad (or, well, a dad like we have, who causes far more strife than anything else). Sometimes, often, he is not on the good side of the family as well, but that is really a whole different story. (Oh, and for the record, I'm pretty much a typical Scorpio and your classic example of a girl with daddy issues, so I totally can say that about my bro!)

So Rob and I were talking, and it came up that my mom is going to stop in Colorado with her new boyfriend-guy-thing on the way back home after she comes out here in March. And he was joking about how she shouldn't show up without his money. (She owes him the money for renting the u-haul.) Ever since the move, he hasn't been close to her anymore. She really strained their relationship by omitting info like she did. That sort of just steamrolled into how Mom is a lazy woman who just wants to sit on her ass and do nothing, and how he'd TOLD the guy she was like that and on and on.

It was then that I realized I am the only one on my mom's side. And it sort of hurts. I am so proud of her. She has never done something on her own. Ever. She moved from her parents house directly into her husband's house. He left her, she got on welfare and stayed home to raise us. She met bad man #1 who wrecked her relationship with her family and caused me and my brother a lot of pain and suffering. He left. She met bad man#2 and moved in with him, where he promptly started beating on her. For her to strike on her own like this is huge. Yes, she was moving to be with a different man, but he is smart. He asked that they not live together for a period of time, for him to adjust to not being married, etc. Smart. She has had to live BY HERSELF and support herself. It's amazing. I am so very proud of her because for the first time in her life, she is happy. She is loved. She is wanted and needed by someone.

I know she went about the situation a little uinderhanded, but to me, it was worth it in the long run. This guy is so good for her. But no one in my whole family can see that. Anytime a phone call takes place, they are berating her for ruining a house, destroying a marriage... no one wants the facts behind it. No one can be happy for her. I am. I'll be her one person cheering squad.

Boy, do I have a twisted family, lol.

Crazy Women

I post on a baby forum, a site called BabyCenter... have for a long time. It's kind of nice talking with other women whose babies are the same age as yours (even though I don't visit my March board very often anymore). Several of the bloggers I read are other March mommies. So I went there today and posted a question. Will stress prevent me from labor stuff? (Details: I was contracting really good last night, slowly getting closer together, more intense too, when Sully came and got in bed with us. Then he started messing around and getting louder and then started shrieking about I don't know what. All contractions stopped. I didn't get them again until this afternoon, when again a meltdown by him caused them to stop.) And I also vented on how worried I am about the whole labor thing and hospital thing since we have no one to watch Sully. And I got some nasty responses. I had to take several deep breaths after I read this one.

" You're beyond 38 weeks and you haven't made arrangements for your older child yet?!?!

I hit my third trimester and immediately lined up 5 people to watch my daughter until my MIL could get here from her home, 3 hours west of here.

You need to start calling EVERYONE you know, starting with the ones who already have child rearing experience. Knock on the doors of your nice neighbors and ask them. Explain that you're in a bind and need their help. Go to sitter city.com and FIND ONE. You might have to pay through the nose, but poor planning will do that to you.

Seriously, not to scold you like a little kid, but why the heck didn't you and DH figure this out months, or at least, weeks ago? You've been pregnant a while, so it's not like this is a total out of the blue surprise. And this is not something you should be winging. If all else fails, or maybe to relieve some stress that it might, call your L&D department and FIND OUT POLICY.

If no one can watch your eldest, then DH is gonna have to miss the birth. Your bad and his. Consequences happen, but you can't just leave your kid in the waiting room on his own. The nurses would have CPS on the phone in 2 minutes flat.

If this seems harsh, it's because I have NO patience for people who procrastinate. And yes, I am this blunt with everyone."

(Oh, MIL is mother-in-law, DH is dear husband, L&D is Labor & Delivery)...

Seriously, how offense is that? Aside from being a little ticked that she ignored my main question, I was really upset that she jumped on this whole thing as if I were a dumbass and was totally just going to wing this whole birth thing. It's not like we planned ALL the crazy things that have come pouring down the past few months. Life happens, and sometimes you just have to roll with it. Like for instance, I have been preparing myself mentally for Caayn NOT to be there for the birth. That way, if he is, it's a happy surprise, but if not, I don't freak out and have a meltdown myself. And we have plans to entertain Sully. We bought loads of new art supplies, we'd going to bring Caayn's laptop with some dvds... In general, he should be okay.

But ugh. I swear, pregnant women and sometimes just moms in general, can turn on each other quicker than you can say boo. It's sad. For the most part, thats why I avoid friendships with girls to begin with. I just always expect this kind of crap to go down. Geez.

All Sorts

Beware, I may be about to discuss one of the grosser things about pregnancy. And when I say "may", I mean I will be.





Hmm. Okay, I'm done waiting for any of those with sensitive eyes to casually scroll down.

So I definitely lost my whole mucus plug today. Yep. That was pretty darn gross. I didn't lose it with Sully, so I wasn't really too sure what to expect. Umm, yeah, it's basically what you'd think upon hearing that phrase, but still. Gross.

I know this doesn't really mean a whole awful lot in relation to labor and all that, but I can't help but get a little more excited. After all, I am 38 weeks today. And I'm finally getting more contractions again. So yay! Hopefully there will be a nice result here soon!

Went to the driver's license place today. Stood in line for like an hour. That is just miserable to do to a very pregnant woman. Standing absolutely still makes my lower back muscles get all squished and pinchy feeling. Not to mention my swollen feet. I think the most amusing part was when I unwound the strap for my bag off one hand to switch over, and discovered that the one hand was -super- swollen and splotchy and white... Apparently it wasn't good to cut off circulation. I kept sneaking glances around to make sure no one saw that, I'm sure someone would have thought I was diseased, lol. The new picture on my id isn't bad, surprisingly, but I will definitely miss the old one.

Sully got his first "real" hair cut today. Took him to get a cut with Caayn. He was so amazingly good. Not a single squeal out of him. And the lady did REALLY good on Caayn's hair, so I told him he has to make sure he gets her again next time. (I'm always so picky about his hair, since he doesn't really care one way or the other. Kinda silly, but hey, its what I do.)

AND my-inlaws sent birthday cards. :) My family doesn't do the card thing, not sure why. I do, not as much as I used to though. For a couple of years I was sending $32 worth of cards out for every holiday. So it's always really special to me to get cards from them. And I was able to get a boppy and some hangers for Mr. L. YIPEE! Caayn was boggled about the boppy--a $34 dollar pillow that was sewn into a half circle. Eh, what can I say? I'm hoping to prevent those sore shoulders and neck that I got last time trying to nurse.

I thought of a positive bit on Caayn going to ALS. He's gonna wear his blues (not sure if he wears them the whole time though)... and you know what? He is damn hot in those things. I have this weird thing about young guys wearing old style sort of stuff, like I dunno, white boxers and black socks, suspenders, etc. Well, the blue shirt they wear makes me think of that sort of thing. It's nice. :D Not that he doesn't look delicious in his regular BDUs. I'll be sad when they switch over to the new style--they look so yucky. Hahaha, it's nice to be a military wife! I imagine it's pretty similar to being a fireman's wife. *cough* Okay, now that I've gone all nutso on my husband...

Oops! Caayn is leveling a new character on WoW, a blood elf mage, and I was watching him (blood elves are my favorite to level up, and I already have a mage)... apparently I was also holding down the space bar. Hehe, thought I lost my post.

Anyway, this momma is worn out, and itchy. I nearly forgot about that, since I started getting the itchy belly a lot sooner with Sully, but it caught up with me. More water and lotion... hopefully that will help. So now I'm gonna go find my greyhound and see if I can't coax him to come lay on the couch with me (assuming, of course, that he isn't there already, hogging my spot on the back pillow thingy). It is really nice to do that when you're this pregnant and aren't capable of much else. My poor legs and back are all messed up--if I move too fast my legs shake so hard I feel like I might fall over. Yuck! Yes, I think cozying up with a dog will cure that right up. (And I can't help but picture Athena get cozied up too! I hope her and Achilles get along well!)

Whippet Update!

YIPEE! Just got off the phone with Whippet Woman and November 24th is indeed the day where I get to pick up my whippet girl! I am so darn thrilled, I can't wait. The one tiny downside is that she said the boy pup, who she said was really crazy wild, has now calmed down a LOT and has become a really good, sweet dog. And that our girl is sort of stand-offish and more of a loner. There were unknown number of pups in that litter, she kept two and then there are these last two who need to go to new homes. Apparently she spends more time with "her" dogs than our girl and her brother, so they don't get as much time spent on them. She said she'd really start spending some time with her, so that she is a little better. Also that she feels the girl just needs to go to her forever home, where she can get the love and attention she needs and deserves.

So boo, I could have gotten my whippet boy, which was my original desire. If I could afford it, I'd offer to take them both. It's good for whippets to have more whippets around and siblings are always good to have! That said though, I still intend on getting my girl. Hopefully her brother will find a good home soon.

Whippet Woman said that she discovered her camera was broken, so she's going to try and get it fixed. And that if she has to, she will just buy a disposable camera so we can get some photos. Cross your fingers, I'm excited to see what she looks like. I can picture her in my mind, but real proof is always better. :)

Anyway, just had to update with that happy bit of news. Now, if Mr. L would just arrive, so that our family can be all completed!!

The No Point Entry

We stayed up until 2am last night, watching the Ghost Hunters Live show in Waverly. That was pretty fun. We love to watch that show, and it was a lot of fun seeing stuff that they would normally cut out. Although, there certainly were a ridiculous amount of commercials. Like over and beyond normal tv. But whatever, still fun.

We had three trick or treaters... This whole daylight savings time being pushed back thing sort of threw me for a loop. We didn't buy any candy (short on funds this month), plus with the noise Artemis sets up each time the door bell is rang, we try to avoid doing it. I felt bad saying we didn't have any candy--with the daylight out, its not like you could rely on the age-old front porch light on or off code.

No baby either, so he is officially a November baby now. The new joke thing is that he will be born tomorrow. Sully was born two days after his month's holiday, I was born 2 days after Halloween, and Caayn's birthday is a Solstice. However, the joke isn't so funny, since tomorrow is my birthday. Ugh. I hate my birthday. It's never been something I enjoyed, and I have trouble adjusting to a new number. Some day I will catch up to whatever age it is I feel in my head. Maybe then I'll start enjoying my day.

I am so tired! We haven't stayed up that late on purpose in a very long time. Sometimes we'll be up until midnight, but that is usually us going to bed at 11pm and me talking to Caayn until midnight. :D Poor guy, it doesn't matter how much conversation we have during the day--as soon as we hit the bed, I end up with like 100 things I remembered that I wanted to tell him. He's a good sport and manages to not fall asleep too often. Hehe!

Mr. L's curtains are up. His room actually looks complete now. Well, it could use some wall art, but I don't feel like busting out the paints and thinking of what to paint. It's not like he's going to notice anyway. I washed a couple outfits, but I'm starting to think I might need to just wash them all, since the weather is decidedly cold now (it did hit like 60 a few times recently). We need to install the carseat base in the van. That's going to be SO weird!! And the back row of seats will have to come out so the stroller can go back there without taking up all the storage space. (Oh and when I say we in this instance, I fully mean Caayn.) Camera battery is charged... here's to hoping that we get more photos than we did last time. I think we had like 3 or 4 pictures, and like 5 of my incision and belly. Freaky looking pictures, but I like to look at them; it's weird to know that they dug around in my guts and that I can only remember bits and pieces of it all. Besides, how often do you get to see a huge incision in your own body with staples stuck in it?!

I also need to call Whippet Woman and arrange a date. I was supposed to call yesterday but forgot and I don't want the week to get away from me without getting a date set to bring the last family member home.

We had the oil changed and tires rotated on the van... apparently our brakes are close to shot. He said we have about 5000 miles left on them, but now I'm all twitchy and want to get them fixed ASAP. I don't like anything being wrong with the car or knowing something might be. Plus that just seems like something that ought to be repaired before we make a long road trip in who knows what kind of weather conditions.

According to Caayn, the Steelers are going to be playing on Monday (we've seen only 2 games this season, and one of those was a pre-season game)... and Monday is one night that we actually watch the prime time shows. Chuck, Heroes and Journeyman (although, I have NO clue whether I like that show or not--the guy sounds too much like Ray Ramano for me to take him seriously)... So that really sucks. I'd rather watch Chuck and then the game, but Caayn likes Heroes a super amount, so we'll probably just watch the shows instead. I like Heroes, but I'm not as hooked as I was last year.

Anyway, enough pointless drivel... I didn't really have anything of importance to say today, I don't think anyway. I can't remember what was at the beginning of this post. (Did I say I had a bad memory?)

Outside smells so good--it's the smell of autumn. Like spices and cookies and pumpkins and leaves and something like wood smoke... Caayn says it's probably the smell of the dropped leaves starting to decay, which is probably true, but I still love it. It's even better than the smell after rain.

Midwife Update

Quick update...

Midwife appt was good. She had a nursing student with her... Generally I'm not a fan, but oh well. He learned what a 37 week baby feels like inside. She said I was the first one this far along he had experience with. I told him to push harder, 'cause seriously, he would never be able to determine baby stuff by light touches.

I am at 165lbs (can't remember what I was last week though), blood pressure was 120/60 and Mr. L's heart was in the high 130s. (It's funny that you can actually know what it is by hearing it--Caayn and I both are good at determining the rate by just listening.) I am now 60% effaced, 2cms dilated... And she did strip my membranes. Please please please let that work... I'd really like for Chris to be around and NOT have to get dumped from his ALS class (which he'd have to if I were to get a c-section)...

Thats it for now!

Nearing the End

Thought yesterday might have been the day. Strong contractions two minutes apart for at least 4 hours, then they slowed down to a nicer 4-5 minutes apart. But by afternoon they had slowed to 10 minutes. Slept good last night, finally. No contractions to wake me up! We go to the midwife today.

Today is my mom's birthday. I can't remember how old she'll be, since I always will think of her as 35. I *think* she'll be 49. Our birthdays are days apart. This year, they will be in the same week. I hope her boyfriend dude treats her to a really nice day. I don't think anyone has ever done something really good to her in years. (Except me and my bro taking her to Red Lobster, hehe, she loved that!)

Tomorrow is Halloween. Samhain. The other day I found two boxes of books in the garage. How insulting--books being kept captive in a box, not feeling the light, not having the chance for their bindings to be caressed, being picked up and read. I, of course, had to pull them open so I could see who was missing from my flock. One box was all of the books I have on Paganism. My heart swelled. Over the years that I've been married to Caayn, I've slowly lost touch with that side of me. My spiritual self is sort of like a piece of crepe paper, delicate, worn, crinkles with a tough. I hate it. Caayn met me on Witches Vox. (I think this is the first time I've mentioned -where- online we met in years...) But his way of celebrating life was different than mine. I had spent several years learning, sometimes living, with my aunt and uncle. They are Pagan. It was a time for healing the wounds in my body. So having lost that, it does hurt.

Now I wonder if it wasn't someone reaching out to me, moving me to the boxes. They have been sitting there since last November, and I JUST NOW decided to open them? What's up with that? the other box, by the way, held more paperbacks, as well as some big picture books that were mine as a child. Sully is learning the joy of Richard Scary.

I think reading those books again will jog my memory. Remind me of thoughts I haven't had in awhile. Some day Sully will ask about religion, spirituality, death... I want to be able to answer him, sure in my heart, without needing to think about it for three days.

Dang. I hope I remember to stop at the DMV or whatever stupid name they call it out here (seriously, its the Department of Motor Vehicles--why can't all states use that name, rather than feeling the need to change it up?).... My driver's license is about to expire... Ah poo, never mind, we even have a separate department for getting your license. Hope they won't be busy. I hope they let me keep my old photo... I love it... it's like the best picture of myself, ever. It reminds me of who I was--black hair, dark eyes, my worn jean jacket, playing pool all night, smoking cigarettes in the cool night air. I feel bad for Caayn--when he met me, I was a lot of fun. I did things. Since we've moved here, I stopped doing things. I'm not in my comfort zone anymore, can't take him on dates to all the places I've grown up around... Hopefully I'll find myself again. I bet Caayn would like it! (Even though he doesn't complain as is... I don't even know if he "cares" about those kind of changes... Ya know?)

Anyway, enough of that!

No candy is going out of our house tomorrow. The dogs set up way too much racket. No trick or treating for Sully. We didn't buy a costume because we didn't know what we'd be doing with the baby being due soon. We'll probably sit around and watch all those documentaries on vampires and werewolves and witches and ghosties, with me nitpicking them as if I knew more about an expert in the field. I always do that, not sure why. I also have a tendency to say lines with movies (although I have gotten better since Caayn hates that, lol). Same with music--if I know the lyrics, its almost impossible to keep me from singing.

Silliness.

October 27th ROCKS!

Welcome to my most favorite day of the year!

Currently it is almost 11am and the temperature here is still below freezing. It was 30 when I got up at 9, just now turned 31... Oi! What few trees left with leaves are now a nice shade of yellow against the blue sky. I love when the sky turns a deep blue in the middle of the day; with yellow leaves against it, it's absolutely gorgeous. I took a picture showing exactly those things last year, but it's buried somewhere among the hundreds of developed film packs we have.

This is the day I wish wish wish Mr. L would be born on. If he isn't though, I won't be upset. It would, however, be nice to meet him. Night time is the worst--rolling over in bed takes 5 minutes, punctuated with a lot of groans, moans and yelps from me as various bones and joints in my pelvic, hip and lower back area, settle. At one point I was attempting to get out of bed and moved a leg too far (I have pubic symphasis dysfunction, which means my pelvic joints are a little too separated causing mucho pain) and definitely was on the verge of tears. OWie. So the sooner I meet him, the more excited I'll be, lol.

We've settled on a way to get Athena. We're just going to pick a weekend some point after the baby is born and go then. Yes, I'll be very post partum and there will be a tiny wee one who needs frequent diaper changes (and hopefully no out of the diaper stuff) and frequent feedings... but it'll be worth it to round the family out.

Caayn is on leave now, which means we'll have lots of time to hang out! That's always a good thing.

Next midwife appointment is on Tuesday.

Watched The Devil Wears Prada last night... it was okay. Except for the fact within 5 minutes of watching it, I turned to Caayn and listed plot points. Unfashionable girl gets fashion job. Becomes fashionable. Boyfriend leaves her. Becomes unfashionable. Gets back with boyfriend.

Secretly I'm really into fashion. I like the idea of it, even if I don't participate in it myself. (I'm not hip.) Growing up, I desperately wanted to be a model. My grandma gave me two books from the 70s about modelling. I devoured them. (Uh, for the record, my grandma used to sell really awesome makeup and my aunt was a model for a little while, so its not like she went to a store and dug out creepy books, lol.) I went to scouting events, and once was even chosen... but my grandma, who I was living with at the time, wouldn't let me spend the money I needed on head shots and various expenses. I doubt I'd have made it anyway--I'm 5'4", which is pretty much too short. Plus my face is crooked (one side is narrower than the other) and my teeth are crooked... so yeah... but still... was a very fun dream to have.

Not sure what to rate the movie though... wasn't very funny, was very predictable, no hot girls OR boys... I'd probably say don't watch it unless you really have some time to murder, because it's just another mindless drivel sort of movie.